You guys liked these last year, so here are some 1999 Darwin awards:
Yes, it is the 1999 Darwin Awards. For
>those sheltered few of you who are not
>fully aware of the Darwin Awards; these
>awards are given annually (and posthumously)
>to those individuals who did the most for the
>human gene pool by removing themselves from
>it.
>GRAVITY KILLS
>A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday
>after he tried to use 'occy' straps (the stretchy little ropes
>with hooks on each end) to bungee jump off a 70-foot
>railroad trestle, police said.
>Fairfax County police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food
>worker, taped a bunch of these straps together,
>wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other
>end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped... and
>hit the pavement.
>Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
>investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was
>found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had
>assembled was greater than the distance between the
>trestle and the ground," Carmichael said.
>Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
>An autopsy is scheduled for later in the week.
>LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
>Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the upcoming
>Fourth of July holiday and wanted to apparently test fire some
>fireworks. Their only real problem was that their launch pad
>and seating arrangements were atop a several hundred
>thousand gallon fuel distillation storage tank. Oddly
>enough, some fumes were ignited, producing a fireball
>seen for miles. They were launched several hundred
>feet into the air and were found dead 250 yards from
>their respective seats.
>DON'T ASK GOD TO PROVE HIMSELF, HE JUST MIGHT
>A lawyer and two buddies were fishing on Caddo Lake in
>Texas when a lightning storm hit the lake.
>Most of the other boats immediately headed for the shore,
>but not our friend the lawyer. On the rear of his aluminum
>bass boat with his buddies, this individual stood up,
>spread his arms wide (crucifixion tyle) and shouted:
>"HERE I AM LORD, LET ME HAVE IT!"
>Needless to say, God delivered.
>The other two passengers on the boat survived the
>lightning strike with minor burns.
>CATCH!
>A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big
>deal you may say, but there's a twist here that makes
>him a candidate. It seems he and a friend were playing
>catch with a rattlesnake. You can guess what happened
>from here. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate)
>was hospitalized.
>THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU
>Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he
>qualifies nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman
>from Korea who was killed by his cell phone... more or less.
>He was doing the usual "walking and talking" when he
>walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his
>neck.
>Keep that in mind the next time you decide to drive and
>dial at the same time.
>GIMME A LIGHT!
>In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized
>warehouse noticed the smell of gas. Sensibly,
>management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
>potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc.
>After the building had been evacuated, two technicians
>from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering
>the building, they found they had difficulty navigating
>in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked.
>Witnesses later described the vision of one of the
>technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an
>object that resembled a lighter. Upon operation of the
>lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded,
>sending pieces of it up to three miles away.
>Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was
>virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician that
>was suspected of causing the explosion had never been
>thought of as "bright" by his peers.
>RUNNER UP..
>A Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a
>difficult position yesterday. While touring the Eagle's Rock
>African Safari (Zoo) with a group of thespians from
>St. Petersburg, Russia, Mr. Demuth went overboard to
>show them one of America's many marvels. He
>demonstrated the effectiveness of "Crazy Glue"... the hard
>way.
>Apparently, Mr. Demuth wanted to demonstrate just how
>good the adhesive was, so he put about 3 ounces of the
>adhesive in the palms of his hands, and jokingly placed
>them on the buttocks of a passing rhino. The rhino, a
>resident of the zoo for the past thirteen years, was not
>initially startled as it has been part of the petting exhibit
>since its arrival as a baby. However, once it became
>aware of its being involuntarily stuck to Mr. Demuth, it
>began to panic and ran around the petting area wildly
>making Mr. Demuth an unintended passenger.
>"Sally [the rhino] hasn't been feeling well lately. She had
>been very constipated. We had just given her a laxative
>and some depressants to relax her bowels, when
>Mr.Demuth played his juvenile prank," said James
>Douglass, caretaker.
>During Sally's tirade two fences were destroyed, a shed
>wall was gored, and a number of small animals escaped.
>Also, during the stampede, three pygmy goats and one
>duck were stomped to death. As for Demuth, it took a
>team of medics and zoo caretakers' to remove his hands
>from her buttocks. First, the animal had to be captured
>and calmed down.
>However, during this process the laxatives began to take
>hold and Mr. Demuth was repeatedly showered with over
>30 gallons of rhino diarrhea.
>"It was tricky. We had to calm her down, while at the same
>time shield our faces from being pelted with rhino dung.
>I guess you could say that Mr. Demuth was into it up to
>his neck. Once she was under control, we had three people
>with shovels working to keep an air passage open for
>Mr. Demuth. We were able to tranquilize her and apply a
>solvent to remove his hands from her rear," said Douglass.
>"I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a while."
>Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also
>were impressed with the power of the adhesive.
>"I'm going to buy some for my children, but of course they
>can't take it to the zoo," commented Vladimir Zolnikov, leader
>of the troupe.
>CLEANER POLISHES OFF PATIENTS
>"For several months, our nurses have been baffled to
>find a patient dead in the same bed every Friday morning"
>a spokeswoman for the Pelonomi Hospital (Free State,
>South Africa) told reporters.
>"There was no apparent cause for any of the deaths, and
>extensive checks on the air conditioning system, and a
>search for possible bacterial infection, failed to reveal
>ny clues."
>"However, further inquiries have now revealed the cause
>of these deaths...
>"It seems that every Friday morning a cleaning lady would
>enter the ward, remove the plug that powered the patient's
>life support system, plug her floor polisher into the vacant
>socket, then go about her business. When she had
>finished her chores, she would plug the life support
>machine back in and leave, unaware that the patient was
>now dead. She could not, after all, hear the death rattle and
>eventual the solid beep over the whirring of her polisher".
>"We are sorry, and have sent a strong letter to the cleaner
>in question. Further, the Free State Health and Welfare
>Department is arranging for an electrician to fit an extra
>socket, so there should be no repetition of this incident.
>The inquiry is now closed." (Cape Times).
>
>
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