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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1288)	7/23/1999 10:21:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

The Top 15 Signs You've Hired The Wrong Marriage Counselor 15. Degree on the wall reads "Doctor of Swingology." 14. Keeps repeating, "If you can't change course, you must divorce." 13. "I'm afraid there's not much you can do with a penis that small." 12. Her latest book: "Women Are From Venus, Men Are Lyin' Bastards" 11. "Just shut up and screw" doesn't seem like very good advice. 10. After you've earned enough "session points", you get to choose either a Louisville Slugger or a Tazer gun. 9. When you and your spouse claim sexual incompatibility, he throws a couple of pillows on the floor and says, "Prove it." 8. "Communication, schmunication - let's talk about 'backdoor love'..." 7. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Dr. Ike Turner will see you now." 6. You quickly discover that his motto, "Don't worry, be happy" is pretty much the extent of his knowledge of the English language. 5. Always takes Hillary's side. 4. In order to open the lines of communication, she begins the first session by hooking your genitals up to a car battery and tossing your wife the keys. 3. Agrees with husband that a request to "honk on Bobo" is foreplay enough. 2. "Mrs. Jones, I believe your husband is correct. You are a whiny bitch." 1. Her last name has six hyphens.

To: Susie924 who wrote (1288)	7/23/1999 10:22:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

For all you Campers out there...Sixteen Steps to Build a Campfire 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene." 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Relabel can to read "gasoline." 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.

To: Susie924 who wrote (1288)	7/23/1999 10:24:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Memo to all students: In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than any other school. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle. Students who don't know S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, as they are all full of S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and consultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course emphasizes on how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T. If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.). Thank you, BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)