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To: William Brotherson who wrote (46973)7/27/1999 7:08:00 PM
From: E'Lane  Respond to of 50264
 
It's a conspiracy, I'd report them. <gg>

No telling, Bill. It's a strange world out there in MM land.

Speaking of it being a strange world (good seque!!) I got this from one of my fav-o-rite people in the whole wide world and thought I'd share it. :~)

WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP??
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AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
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Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue
a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing
ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting please to come out and give himself up.

WHAT WAS PLAN B???
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An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and
forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The
kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

THESE NITWITS ARE TEACHING OUR CHILDREN??
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A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."

and

A student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for
giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be
confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy.

SOME DAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T PAY TO GNAW THROUGH THE STRAPS!
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Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze
that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the
homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is
even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when
someone broke in and stole my new security system..."

THE GETAWAY!
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A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all
the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small,
so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for
three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

DO-IT-YOURSELF BRAIN SURGERY??
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In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a
police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the
missing brain.

TOO WELL-EDUCATED.
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In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened."

DID I SAY THAT???
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Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who
just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked
each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your
money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

OUCH, THAT SMARTS!!
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A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye
pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-
Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his
pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and
jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an
explosion taking place inside his pants." Police have the man's
charred trousers in custody.

ARE WE ARE COMMUNICATING??
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A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and
her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first
child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is
her husband!"

NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!
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In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to
hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a
thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he
failed to keep his hand in his pocket.



To: William Brotherson who wrote (46973)7/28/1999 12:01:00 AM
From: Howard C.  Respond to of 50264
 
Maybe you didn't say "PLEASE?"