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To: Thomas M. who wrote (3393)7/29/1999 8:34:00 PM
From: Gary M. Reed  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 17683
 
This just in from CNN: Bill Clinton has asked Janet Reno for an independent counsel investigation into the Federal Reserve Board's role in the death of 12 people due to a distraught daytrader. Clinton reiterated, "I find it unthinkable that people can skirt the gun check laws by buying handguns at gun shows, and it is equally appalling that a pre-emptive 1/4 point rate hike by the Fed can cause the death of twelve innocent daytraders in Atlanta."

Meanwhile, Al Gore is amending his stance on the campaign trail, reassuring voters that, "while I am indeed the Father of the Internet, I had nothing to do with online trading. In fact, we have reason to believe that the advent of daytrading, as well as the recent steep decline in Amazon.com stock, are the direct result of a vast right-wing conspiracy."

Tomorrow, NY Senate candidate Hillary Clinton will be interviewed live at the NYSE by Katie Couric and Rosie O'Donnell, where she will introduce her new campaign platform: "Guns and ECNs Don't Mix."



To: Thomas M. who wrote (3393)7/31/1999 3:47:00 AM
From: Toby Zidle  Respond to of 17683
 
Fortunately, he's killed himself.

????? Of course NOT, Thomas. For shame!! We can't blame this poor soul for being forced into the unwise choice of killing himself. He had no option. It was due to forces beyond his control.

It was el Nino that made him do it. The rain distribution patterns have reduced the summer SI message count requiring SI management to inflate its numbers with off-topic postings. Then the Fed had to raise rates fight to inflation of message counts, causing a premature message margin call on the guy's account. After that, he just lost it. Who wouldn't have?

So let's not blame the poor guy. He was doomed. To prevent such massacres in the future, we need tough, new Federal legislation to regulate marginal, off-topic messages on stock boards. Those must be considered taboo. In this regard, there will be class-action suits against the FAA and the NTSB for not upgrading pilot instruction. Had JFK Jr been better trained, he would have landed that plane properly and all the marginal JFK Jr postings on this thread would not have inflated the message count so significantly.

Further, the Sturgeon General has determined that typing messages while on final landing approach may be hazardous to one's health. Congress, in its next session, will debate requiring appropriate warning labels on all modems. Internal modems will be considered to have satisfied warning conditions if said required labels are in binary notation.

After intense lobbying, the IRS (in cooperation with the National Off-topic Self Enforced X-raters [NOSEX]) will agree to issue companion regulations creating Schedule SI, on which a count of annual marginal off-topic messages must be reported, with appropriate copies attached. If the count exceeds 17 percent of one's message-adjusted semi-net taxable income (but only 3 percent for day traders), one will lose one's home mortgage interest deduction.

Small wonder the poor guy killed himself.