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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1347)	8/2/1999 12:37:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

A JEWISH WOMAN'S WISH An elderly Jewish woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets,a ruby broach, and Rolex." "But you are not wearing any of those things." "I know," she said. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewelry."

To: Susie924 who wrote (1347)	8/2/1999 11:02:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Buy a Ford? Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells Ford: "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention-the assembly line for the automobile-changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven." Ford thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out with God, Himself." The befeathered fellow at the Gates takes Ford to the Throne Room and introduces him to God. Ford then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of Woman?" God says, "Ah, yes." "Well," says Ford, "You have some major design flaws in your invention: 1. there's too much front end protrusion 2. it chatters at high speeds 3. the rear end wobbles too much, and 4. the intake is placed too close to the exhaust." "Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on." God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Henry Ford, "but according to My Computer, more men are riding my invention than yours."

To: Susie924 who wrote (1347)	8/2/1999 11:06:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2380

Subject: URGENT Virus Alert!!! THERE IS A NEW VIRUS GOING AROUND CALLED "WORK" If you receive any sort of 'work' at all, whether via email, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague...DO NOT OPEN IT. This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open 'work' or even look at 'work' have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly. If you do encounter 'work' via email or are faced with any 'work' at all, you must purge the virus by sending an email to your boss with the words 'I've had enough of your crap......... I'm off to the pub.' The 'work' should automatically be forgotten by your brain. If you receive 'work' in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the 'work' to your garbage can, put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that 'work' will no longer be of any relevance to you and that 'Scooby Doo' was the greatest cartoon ever. You may want to send this to others in your address book. If you have anyone IN your address book, then I'm afraid the 'work' virus has already corrupted your life.