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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1356)	8/2/1999 9:40:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

> A guy sticks his head into a barbershop > and asks, "how long before I can > get a haircut?" >The barber looks around the shop and says > "about 2 hours". > The guy leaves. A few days later the same > guy sticks his head in the door > and asks, "how long before I can get > a haircut? The barber looks around at > shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours". > The guy leaves. A week later the same guy > sticks his head in the shop and asks, > "how long before I can get a haircut?" > The barber looks around the shop and > says "about an hour and a half". > The guy leaves. > The barber looks over at a friend in the > shop and says "Hey, Bill, follow that guy > and see where he goes". In a little while, > Bill comes back into the shop laughing > hysterically. The barber asks, > "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" > Bill looked up and said, "Your house." >

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1356)	8/2/1999 9:42:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

> God's Kid > > > > Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the > > thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. > > After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the > > first thing said to them was: "Don't." "Don't what?" Adam replied > > "Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said > > > > "Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve... we got > > Forbidden > > Fruit!" > > "No way!" > > "Yes way!" > > "Don't eat that fruit!" said God. > > "Why?" > > "Because I'm your Creator and I said so!" said God, wondering why he > > hadn't stopped after making the elephants. > > > > A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was > > angry "Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" God asked "Uh huh," > > Adam replied. > > > > "Then why did you?" > > "I dunno," Eve answered. > > "She started it!" Adam said. > > "Did not!" > > "Did so!" > > "Did not!!" > > > > Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam > > and > > Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and > > it > > has never changed. But there is a reassurance in this story. If you > > have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they > > haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble > > handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake > > for you? > > > >

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1356)	8/2/1999 9:45:00 PM
From: Zbyte	Respond to of 2380

Here is a story Ill bet you know Baldy. This one is a true story... His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog. There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death. The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scotsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved. "I want to repay you" said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life." "No, I can't accept payment for what I did" the Scottish farmer replied,waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel. "Is that your son?" the nobleman asked. "Yes" the farmer replied proudly. "I'll make you a deal. Let me take him and give him a good education. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll grow to a man you can be proud of." And that he did. In time, Farmer Fleming's son graduated from St.Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become knownthroughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin. Years afterward, the nobleman's son was stricken with pneumonia. What saved him? Penicillin. The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name? Sir Winston Churchill. Someone once said: What goes around comes around. Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1356)	8/3/1999 7:38:00 AM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN THE AIRLINES UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on ... Mac Airlines All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up. Windows Air The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever. Windows NT Air Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes. Linux Air Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plan leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1356)	8/3/1999 7:39:00 AM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

Bible School Ten year old Mikey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Vacation Bible School. "Well, Mommy, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead His Chosen People out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his cell phone to call headquarters for reinforcements. They called in an air strike of the Israeli Air Defense to take out the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Mikey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

To: Bald Eagle who wrote (1356)	8/3/1999 11:57:00 PM
From: Susie924	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

Baseball in Heaven Two buddies Bob and Earl were two of the biggest baseball fans in America. Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they pored over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven. One summer night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching the Yankee victory earlier in the evening. He died happy. A few nights later, his buddy Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond. "Bob is that you?" Earl asked. "Of course it me," Bob replied. "This is unbelievable!" Earl exclaimed. "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?" "Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want to hear first?" "Tell me the good news first." "Well, the good news is that yes there is baseball in heaven, Earl." "Oh, that is wonderful! So what could possibly be the bad news?" "You're pitching tomorrow night."