To: Mohan Marette who wrote (138309 ) 8/3/1999 10:15:00 PM From: stockman_scott Respond to of 176387
~OT~ An Entertaining Discussion About Martha Stewart's Upcoming IPO... <<Martha Stewart Learning August 02, 1999 Martha Stewart's Hors D'oeuvres Handbook won't help her in IPO boot camp. I picture John Doerr with a stopwatch, standing over a purple-faced Martha Stewart, coughing and gasping for breath. She chokes down one dry, Italian breakfast pastry after another at their booth at Palo Alto's Il Fornaio. Doerr sheds his friendly family man demeanor, barking questions at her, mid-pastry: "Whaaaat's the market opportunity, private?! As big as Yahoo? EToys for homemakers?" As Stewart grunts and chews madly, she flails her arms around the table, but there is no latté to relieve her parched taste buds. "Without first-mover advantage how do you expect to capture market share, maggot?!" Many times her chunky, layered hairdo sprawls across the table as she passes out from exhaustion, face-down in some Muesli. After several days, she sufficiently emphasizes Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia's $180 million in 1998 revenues, with $23.8 million in profit. With a quickly whisper to the wait staff about the sub-par table arrangements, Doerr whisks her off to practice push-ups and knee bends with mock institutional investors. Stewart must learn to treat others as though they are Louis XIV antique dining room pieces, loving tenderness balanced with acknowledgment of priceless value. Her impeccably ironed linen separates can't save her now. Offline, Stewart has tirelessly arranged a nitpicky hierarchy of housewares and bridal magazines, a TV presence, a radio show, a New York Times Syndicate column, the AskMartha national column, and designer products sold by Kmart, Sears and Martha By Mail, among others. She's sanded, shaped, finished and carefully draped her creation tastefully in fresh herb displays and preserved wildflowers. In May, she got a primer course on IPO greatness, using her New York schmoozing skills to get her through brushes with IPO greats at Bill Gates' CEO Summit. But wowing Michael Dell, snagging some future Go Network cache out of Michael Eisner and lending a kind ear to the Microsoft's interactive content crew's mistakes won't be enough on IPO row. Acknowledging the understatement of her media holdings in an Internet-coveting market, she quickly accessorized her empire with a little tech flair before last Thursday's IPO filing, adding a few sprigs of John Doerr to make new an old-media presence. Kleiner Perkins Caufield and Byers took a $25 million stake in Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia last week But country French interiors can't spruce up her S-1. No, if Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia is going to whip up a perfect public offering, gracefully upstaging houseware designers Donna Karan and Calvin Klein, she'll need to play the beginner and do more than name drop. She's looking for $100 million to grow, a chance to buy out Time Warner's 6.2 percent minority stake for $42 million. She can't just beat potential investors over the head with her collection of vintage rolling pins. Doerr will have to teach her the lovely rules for sprucing up investors' spirits with the terms "e-commerce," "online cataloging" and "home-furnishings portal." She'll need to hype her cameos in Microsoft's convention promo videos. Stewart's got to move beyond sheets and flatware to fabulous digital potential. If anyone needs a humbling experience, it might be Stewart. And those of us sitting in our wrinkled, out-of-date fashions can rejoice as she huffs and puffs her way into IPO shape. Tish Williams is senior writer/editor at UPSIDE. upside.com >>