Hi stox - for you guys still in there I hope you're right and we bring you luck!!
Glad to see you rememered the jokes! Here's a bit of a long list, but if you've ever worked in IT you will identify!!
> User tips from IT Support :
> ----------------------------
>
> 1) Don't write anything down. We can guess what the error message might
> have
> been
> 2) When we say a tech says he is coming right over, go for coffee. It's
> no
> problem to try and guess your screen saver password
> 3) When you call us to have your computer moved or repaired, be sure to
> leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed
> animals, dried flowers, post-it notes and small plastic toys from
> chocolate
> eggs. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply Moving to catch a
> fleeting
> glimpse of yours.
>
> 4)When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you
> from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail
> because your computer won't power on at all.
> 5) When a tech is eating lunch at his desk, walk right up and spill
> your
> guts right out. We exist only to serve.
> 6) When a tech is having a smoke outside, ask him a computer question.
> The
> only reason why we smoke at all is to ferret out those clients who don't
> have email or a telephone line.
>
> 7)Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and
> flags
> it as a rush delivery.
> 8)When you call a techie's direct line, press 5 to skip the bilingual
> greeting that says he's out of town for a week, record your message
> andwait
> exactly 24 hours before you send an email straight to the managing
> director
> because no one ever returned your call. You're entitled to common
> courtesy.
> 9) When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's
> electronics in it.
> 10)When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on a techie's desk
> with
> no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a
> puzzle.
> 11) When a tech tells you that computer monitors don't have cartridges
> in
> them, argue. We love a good argument.
> 12) When you get a message about insufficient disk space, delete
> everything
> in the Windows directory. It's nothing but trouble anyway.
> 13) When you get a message about a hard disk controller failure, and
> then
> you reboot and it looks okay, don't call tech support. We'd much rather
> troubleshoot it when it's dead as a doornail.
> 14) When you have a tech on the phone walking you through changing a
> setting, read the paper or doodle aimlessly. We don't actually mean for
> you
> to do anything; we just love to hear ourselves talk.
> 15) When a tech tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a
> scathing
> tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That'll
> get us going.
>
>
> 16) When we offer training on the upcoming operating system upgrade,
> don't
> bother. We'll be there to hold your hand after it's done.
> 17) When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
> Print
> jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't
> print after 20 tries, send the job 10 or 15 times to all the printers in
> the
> branch. One of them is bound to work.
> 18) Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly
> what
> you mean by "my thingy's outta whack".
> 19) Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.
> 20) If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to go
> around and update the network drivers for all your co-workers. We're
> grateful for the overtime money.
> 21) When you have a tech fixing your computer at a quarter past noon,
> eat
> your lunch in his face. We function better when slightly dizzy.
> 22) Don't ever thank us. We're getting paid for this.
> 23) When a tech asks you whether you've installed any new software on
> this
> computer, lie. It's nobody's business what you've got on your computer.
> 24) When a tech finds the porno pictures in your Recycle Bin, tell her
> you've never seen those before. We couldn't tell bullshit if it kicked us
> in
> the face.
> 25) If you have WindowsNT, feel free to change the local administrator's
> password to "blowjob" and promptly forget it. We like installing NT.
> 26) If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your
> dog,
> lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed
> to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.
> 27) If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail
> upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a kilo of muffin
> crumbs
> and nail clippings in them.
> 28) Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
> that
> computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional
> expertise referred to as crap.
> 29) When you need to change the toner cartridge, call tech support.
> Changing
> a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard
> recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a
> master's degree in nuclear physics.
> 30) When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary
> to
> call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third
> party who doesn't know jack shit about the problem.
> 31) When you receive a 30-meg movie file, send it to everyone as a mail
> attachment. We got lots of disk space on that mail server.
> 32) Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller
> chunks.
> Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.
> 33) When a tech gets on the elevator pushing $15,000 worth of computer
> equipment on a trolley, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take
> the
> elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no
> end.
> 34) When you bump into a tech at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a
> computer question. We don't do much on weekends.
> 35) Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own.
> Computer names are just a cosmetic feature in NT 4.0; they won't be doing
> anything useful until the next major release.
> 36) The correct location to store important files is the Recycle Bin.
> It's
> just like a real office, where you keep your tax receipts in the blue can
> under your desk.
> 37) If you curse every morning when you start to type your password and
> the
> Virus Guard screen pops up in your face, disable the Virus Guard. Again,
> this is just like real life: if you don't like condoms, just don't use
> them,
> that's all.
>
> We don't really believe that you're a bunch of ungrateful twits. It hurts
> our feelings that you could even think such a thing. We wish to express
> our
> deepest gratitude to the hundreds of clueless losers portrayed herein,
> without whom none of this would have been remotely possible. |
