To: LindyBill who wrote (4617 ) 8/4/1999 3:04:00 PM From: StockHawk Respond to of 54805
LindyBill, Great post on Microsoft - LOL!! But, I think you left out a paragraph - the next to last one. StockHawk MICROSOFT SETTLES JUSTICE DEPARTMENT ANTI-TRUST SUIT REDMAN, Wash. August 4th, 1999--In direct response to the lawsuit brought by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth," said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates. "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone." Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the Oval Office of the White House with U.S. President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the press that changes will be "minimal." The Untied States will be managed as a wholly owned division of Microsoft. An initial public offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal government is expected to be profitable by "Q4 2001 at latest," according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer. In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a position as executive vice president with Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly to Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief." He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record" and that U.S. citizens should offer Gates their "full support and confidence." Clinton will reportedly be earning several dozen times the $200,000 annual salary he has earned as U.S. president, in his new role at Microsoft. That, of course, does not include his stock options. Gates dismissed a suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as "silly", though he did say that he would make executive decisions for the U.S. Government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy," he observed, "and look how well we're doing." Gates denied all rumors that his first act after the acquisition had been to dismiss all employees of the Justice Department. He said such vindictive, retaliatory actions are never even considered at Microsoft. In fact, he asserted, that Justice would be reenergized and refocused on real enemies of the government, such as Sun Microsystems, America on Line and those Linux renegades. When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding, Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place." Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government services, and discounts on all Microsoft products.