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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: FREAKAZOID who wrote (1365)	8/4/1999 1:43:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

As a woman I do understand most of them except: Cats' facial expressions ....no Dogs facial expressions... yes Taking a car trip with out trying to beat your best time... I always try to beat my best time!

To: FREAKAZOID who wrote (1365)	8/4/1999 10:29:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

A little Medical Humor A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady's dress, and begins to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices that there are several cabs, and he's in the wrong one. > >> > > >> > ******* > >> > A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope on an > >> elderly > >> > and slightly deaf female patient's posterior chest wall. "Big > >> breaths, " > >> > instructed the nurse. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the > patient. > >> > >> > > >> > ***** > >> > One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that > >> her > >> > husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that > >> five > >> > minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that > > >> he > >> had > >> > died of a "massive internal fart." > >> > > >> > ***** > >> > I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity > >> test. > >> > placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover > your > >> > >> right > >> > eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your > >> left." > >> > Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was > >> silence. He > >> > couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and > >> discovered > >> > that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there > >> with > >> both > >> > his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam. > >> > > >> > ***** > >> > A nurses' aide was helping a patient into the bathroom when the > >> patient > >> > exclaimed, "You're not coming in here with me. This is only a > >> one-seater!" > >> > > >> > ***** > >> > During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his > >> cardiologist, > >> he > >> > informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his > >> medications. > >> > "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch. The nurse told me to > >> put on > >> a > >> > new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put > >> it!" > >> The > >> > doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he > >> wouldn't > >> > see....Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the > >> > instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new > > >> one. > >> > > >> > ***** > >> > While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How > >> long > >> have > >> > you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she > >> answered, > >> "Why > >> > not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive." > >> > > >> > ******* > >>

To: FREAKAZOID who wrote (1365)	8/4/1999 10:30:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

Social Security An old man went into the Social Security Office and filled out an application. He was too old to have a birth certificate, so he was asked to prove his age. He opened his shirt and showed them the gray hair on his chest. They accepted that as proof, and give him his first check. He went home to his wife, showed her the check, and explained to her what had happened. She replied, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can also get a disability!"