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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Neocon who wrote (2913)8/6/1999 8:02:00 AM
From: jlallen  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 769670
 
Back to wrasslin' gators, I reckon. <gggggg> JLA



To: Neocon who wrote (2913)8/6/1999 8:44:00 AM
From: Les H  Read Replies (4) | Respond to of 769670
 
THE FIRST SHIKSA
WANTS TO BE A YENTA? OY!
By ANDREA PEYSER

HILLARY. Bubeleh!

Who knew?

All this time, Hillary, you've been playing the
Super Shiksa. Mousy suits. Sensible heels. Pearls,
yet.

And how you kept that thin little mouth buttoned
while that husband of yours indulged his
"weakness" - your word - from the Oval Office to
the Rose Garden like nobody's business.

And with a Jewish girl. Oy!

Hillary. Bubbe. Why didn't you tell us before?

What? You can't speak the truth? Little Miss
I'm-First-Lady-and-You're-Not, you think you're
better than the rest of us?

So now we know. Your grandma - a shiksa, OK,
you can't have everything - was married to a nice
Jewish gentleman. A nice Jewish gentleman who
spoke the mother tongue. Yiddish! I'm kvelling,
Hillary, kvelling.

So, this Yiddishe gentleman was your grandma's
second husband. So he wasn't your grandpa. So
what! He's still family.

Your grandma even had a daughter with this man.
A Jewish daughter! Your aunt. Well, your
half-aunt, but who's complaining?

Hillary, Hillary. You should be wearing a sheitl
under that Yankee cap. You're practically a
member of the tribe!

Pssst. Do you think this branch of your family
might know a nice Jewish boy for you? Hey, I'm
just asking!

Why didn't you tell us before?

Well, I can understand why you didn't want
anyone to know that your step-grandfather and
half-aunt were Jewish. You and that husband,
running for national office. Meshuggeneh people
from Des Moines don't know from Jews. Who
needs the tsuris?

But now, you want to be senator from New
York. Senator! Ladies these days think they can
be senators. Gevald. What next? A mohel?

But you're a smart cookie. So go be a senator,
and God bless. Maybe in the Senate you can find
a nice husband and settle down.

I've got to admit, when you talked about giving
the Arabs a piece of the Holy Land, you almost
fooled me into thinking you don't care much for
your people. I read about this in "Women Who
Love Too Much." You were in denial about your
roots. Denial!

So then I pick up a copy of that nice newspaper,
the Jewish Forward. That sweet boy who writes
for the Forward (I think he's Jewish) got a story
that the
High-and-Mighty-New-York-Times-Thank-You-Very-Much
couldn't get.

Your secret Jewish family.

Hillary, I was so thrilled to find out that you
actually met these people. But really, sweetie, I
don't mean to kvetch, but couldn't you have
invited them to the White House?

What, are you ashamed?

Well, now it comes out. And your secret is safe
with me.

That nice boy from the Forward tells me it wasn't
you who told him about your Jewish secret. But
we know better, Hillary, don't we?

I mean, New Yorkers aren't like those
anti-Semites in Duluth. They'll love you for being
Jewish. I mean half-Jewish. Well, you know, for
knowing a couple of Jews.

Just between you and me, I thought that Nita
Lowey was too smart for her own good. Now
that you're practically a Jew, too - and plan to live
in Westchester - we don't need her anymore!

So how did you get the story out, Hillary? After
all these years?

OK, I know, I know. Government secrets.
Hush-hush. Don't tell me.

I'll light a Shabbos candle for you, and pray you
get elected.

And if someone doesn't like it, you can tell them
they can kiss my tuchis.