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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1404)	8/10/1999 12:25:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Brain Teasers 1. There is one word in the English language that is always pronounced incorrectly. What is it? 2. A man gave one son 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it? 3. A boat has a ladder that has six rungs, each rung is one foot apart. The bottom rung is one foot from the water. The tide rises at 12 inches every 15 minutes. High tide peaks in one hour. When the tide is at it's highest, how many rungs are under water? 4. There is a house with four walls. Each wall faces south. There is a window in each wall. A bear walks by one of the windows. What color is the bear? 5. Is half of two plus two equal to two or three? 6. There is a room. The shutters are blowing in. There is broken glass on the floor. There is water on the floor. You find Sloppy dead on the floor. How did sloppy die? 7. How much dirt would be in a hole 6 feet deep and 6 feet wide that has been dug with a square edged shovel? 8. If I were in Hawaii and dropped a bowling ball in a bucket of water which is 45 degrees F, and dropped another ball of the same weight, mass, and size in a bucket at 30 degrees F, them at the same time, which ball would hit the bottom of the bucket first? Same question, but the location is in Canada? 9. What is the significance of the following: The year is 1978, thirty-four minutes past noon on May 6th. 10. What can go up a chimney down, but can't go down a chimney up? 11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in the center field? 12. What is it that goes up and goes down but does not move? Answers Below: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1. ANSWER: Incorrectly. 2. ANSWER: 1:45. The man gave away a total of 25 cents. He divided it between two people. Therefore, he gave a quarter to two. 3. ANSWER: None, the boat rises with the tide. Duh. 4. ANSWER: White. If all the walls face south, the house is at the north pole, and the bear, therefore, is a polar bear. 5. ANSWER: Three. Well, it seems that it could almost be either, but if you follow the mathematical orders of operation, division is performed before addition. So... half of two is one. Then add two, and the answer is three. 6. ANSWER: Sloppy is a goldfish. The wind blew the shutters in, which knocked his goldfish-bowl off the table, and it broke, killing him. 7. ANSWER: None. No matter how big a hole is, it's still a hole: the absence of dirt. (And those of you who said 36 cubic feet are wrong for another reason, too. You would have needed the length measurement too. So you don't even know how much air is in the hole.) 8. ANSWER: Both questions, same answer: the ball in the bucket of 45 degree F water hits the bottom of the bucket last. Did you think that the water in the 30 degree F bucket is frozen? Think again. The question said nothing about that bucket having anything in it. Therefore, there is no water (or ice) to slow the ball down... 9. ANSWER: The time and month/date/year are 12:34, 5/6/78. 10. ANSWER: An umbrella. 11. ANSWER: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack. 12. ANSWER: The temperature.

To: Susie924 who wrote (1404)	8/10/1999 12:37:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Subject: Positive Side A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from every job he has ever held. "I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible. You've been fired from every job." "Yes," says the man. "Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in that." "Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application. "At least I'm not a quitter."

To: Susie924 who wrote (1404)	8/10/1999 12:44:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Shades of Jeff ???? Subject: Stupid people Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid". That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign." It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign." A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign." I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it" Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign." We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Darn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

To: Susie924 who wrote (1404)	8/10/1999 12:48:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

David vs. Goliath... US Justice Department officials have obtained internal Microsoft documents that would support a new antitrust case. Man, I hope the federal government wins. I like to root for the little guy. ---------- Not Too Bright? There's a little fellow named Bubba who hangs out at Martin's Convenience Store. Mr. Martin, the owner hasn't figured out what Bubba's problem is, but the boys 'round town like to tease him. They say he's not hittin' on all eight... just not too bright. As evidence, often they'll offer lil' Bubba his choice between a nickel and a dime. Now Bubba, he always takes the nickel... They say, because it's 'bigger' and they all get a bigchuckle. One afternoon, just after Bubba grabbed his nickel, Mr. Martin pulled him off to one side and said, "Bubba, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?" Bubba sorta grinned and said, "Well, if I took the dime, reckon they'd quit doing it!"

To: Susie924 who wrote (1404)	8/10/1999 12:54:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

....gotta be kidding?! From LA lawyer Mike Klein, whose email signature reads, "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty." ========== IDIOTS ARE EVERYWHERE. HERE ARE SOME PLACES TO FIND THEM: IDIOTS ON THE JOB I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?" ADVICE FOR IDIOTS An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees": "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars. He no longer wanted them to cross there. IDIOTS & COMPUTERS My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?" IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE I was sitting in my science class, when the teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.