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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Vision21 who wrote (1455)8/18/1999 10:40:00 AM
From: Barney  Respond to of 2380
 
JUST MOVED TO TEXAS

May 30th
Just moved to Texas. Now this is a state that knows how
to live!!
Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. Mountains
and deserts
blended together. What a place! Watched the sunset from a
park lying
on a blanket. It was beautiful. I've finally found my
home. I love it
here.

June 14th
Really heating up. Got to 95 today. Not a problem. Live
in an
air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What
a pleasure to
see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a real
sun worshipper.

June 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today.
Lots of cactus
and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for
me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th
The temperature hasn't been below 95 all week. How do
people get used
to this kind of heat? Too bad it's not a dry heat.
Getting used to it
is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60%
of my body.)
Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I
learned my lesson
though: Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like
this.

July 20th
I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I
left this morning.
By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had
swollen up
to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over
$2,000 worth of
leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car
now smells
like Kibbles and shit. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th
Dry #@*&$!% heat, my ass. Hot is hot!! The home
air-conditioner is on
the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by
and tell me he
needed to order parts.

July 30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now.
$1,500 in damn
house payments and we can't even go inside. Why did I
ever come here?

Aug 4th
99 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500
and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid
repairman pissed in
my pool. I hate this #@*&$!% state.

Aug 8th
If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you today?",
I'm going to
tear his #@*&$!% throat out. Damn heat. By the time I
get to work the
radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet,
and I smell like
Roasted #@*&$!% Garfield!!

Aug 10th
The weather report might as well be a damn recording: Hot
and sunny.
It's been too hot to #@*& for two damn months and the
weatherman says
it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain
in this barren
damn desert?? Water rationing has been in effect all
summer, so $1,700
worth of cactus just dried up and blew into the #@*&$!%
pool. Even a
cactus can't live in this heat.

Aug 14th Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 104 today.
Forgot to
crack the window and blew the #@*&$!% windshield out of
the Lincoln. The
installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you
today?" My wife
had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of
jail.

Aug 30th Worst day of the damn summer. I'm not leaving
the house. The
#@*&$!% monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to
make it muggier
than hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in
Mexico with its new
$500 windshield. That does it, we're moving back to
California for some
peace and quiet.



To: Vision21 who wrote (1455)8/18/1999 10:42:00 AM
From: Barney  Respond to of 2380
 
Signs to make you smile...

On a Secretary's Desk:

"Lack of planning on your part does not constitute
an emergency on my part."

---------

In the window of a Travel Agency:

"Please go away."

---------

At the Vet's:

"Back in five minutes. Sit. Stay."

---------

At a Health Food Store:

"Closed due to illness."