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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Michael M who wrote (52667)8/22/1999 8:00:00 AM
From: Neocon  Respond to of 108807
 
Michael, I do think that you have some grounds for complaint, I have been tempted to ask why there has been an over- reaction to several things that you have said. I also was surprised at how easily E started to backpedal for the sake of harmony. I will say that you went out on a limb raising the question as you did, and that E did a better job in framing the issues, and nevertheless got shot at. Of course, I have experienced that sense of not knowing what happened myself on sundry occasions. I am fortunate on this occasion that I was engaged with jp, since we have a prior relationship (mostly by PM) and a pretty good rapport, and therefore worked through some of the issues better before anyone else came along. Anyway, I have discovered that there is a great deal of suspicion of "agendas", and a tendency to read things in a worse than intended light, partially, I suppose, because of the lack of certain social cues: facial expression, tone of voice, "body language", and the like. With many divisive issues coming onto the thread, and the ease with which one can belittle the opponent, I suppose that it is natural for people to be a bit prickly. Sometimes, though, it reaches excessive heights. Do you remember the beginning of "Annie Hall", where Woody Allen is explaining the ubiquity of anti- Semitism to Tony Roberts and invoking instances of people saying "did you?--- d'jew, get it?" as subtle slurs? Well, the thinness of skin sometimes reaches that level. Add in normal human friction: differences in arguing styles that tend to prevail among the sexes; ordinary one-upsmanship; the sense of people who "belong" versus the "interlopers"; and things can easily get frazzled. Besides, people have various reasons for being here, and for some the development of personal relationships and "having fun" are paramount, and anything which might lead to tension and confrontation is a faux pas, and therefore, you are already in the docket for bringing up something unpleasant and potentially explosive. E has a stronger sense than you of the danger, and therefore bent over backwards to assure everyone of her good will. My main surprise is that she did not say "hey, I have been around awhile, you guys know me, I deserve a little better", which I think she was entitled to do. You, on the other hand, continued to be provocative. I think your account of the by- play was accurate, but you are missing something crucial, which is that things had gotten out of hand, and you were in the best position to clarify things with a mind to bringing it down a notch. I read some of the comments with no suspicion, and could see that you were bantering or trying to explain, but if someone was already "stirred up", some of the same comments might not work so well. Is it altogether fair that you should have to do double duty to smooth things over? No. But it is prudent.....



To: Michael M who wrote (52667)8/22/1999 8:53:00 AM
From: Neocon  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 108807
 
Although I think that my generalizations remain correct, I have been checking some earlier back and forth on the thread, and have decided that there is more reason than I had recalled for there to be a sensitivity to some of your jests, especially for Joan. I came upon your early exchange in July, which had completely slipped my mind, the one where Ish took you to task for being exceedingly insulting, and I am afraid that you were way out of line on that occasion, and set things up badly for subsequent discussions. In such a case, it is incumbent upon you to make an effort to make things better, or take your lumps like Terrence.....



To: Michael M who wrote (52667)8/22/1999 9:04:00 AM
From: Father Terrence  Respond to of 108807
 
Here's a "species" I would love to see on the endangered list: POLITICIANS.



To: Michael M who wrote (52667)8/22/1999 9:16:00 AM
From: Dayuhan  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 108807
 
Your post stated that you didn't recall my asking about humans in relation to endangered species. If you wish to check, you will see in the very first post(#51764) that I asked YOU if man should intervene in an extraordinary way to save an endangered species.

I think it is worth remembering, in light of subsequent discussion, that nobody (that I can recall, at least) took the "pure environmentalist" position that extraordinary intervention was automatically justified to save an endangered species. Most respondents felt that further information would be required to make a decision: they wanted to know how the species became endangered, why the species was thought valuable and to whom, what the extraordinary measures would be and what they would cost, etc.

Given this, the second question was probably not put to the audience for which it was intended. I admit that if people had responded that "extraordinary measures" were automatically justified, it would be curious to see how they responded to the subsequent question. It might be interesting to put the same question to some confessed eco-extremists; I believe there is a thread of them on SI.

My own feeling is that the subsequent question was a form of reductio ad absurdem, and I confess that I took little real interest. The stipulations were obviously constructed to make a particular answer inevitable; the reluctance to give the inevitable answer is something I would attribute less to PC conformity than to an understandable reluctance to be boxed in by a set of highly artificial assumptions.

Yes, the sisterhood can be contrary, and occasionally incomprehensible. Some of us like them that way.



To: Michael M who wrote (52667)8/22/1999 12:18:00 PM
From: E  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 108807
 
Michael, I'll take your word for the content of the posts you give the numbers of, because I am not going to do archeology over this. I didn't mean to deny that you asked a question about man's intervention to save endangered species, I really meant what I said-- I got fascinated with the fact that no one (except Neocon, and I assume you), would admit that the woman I stipulated was 'selfish' for declining to be inseminated by a man unappealing to her.

It still fascinates me, and fascinates me, also, that by PM only I have received two agreements that in my scenario, the woman is a selfish bitch. I think Cobe agreed that in my stipulated scenario, she was selfish, too.

I wasn't coerced into anything, and am not aware of having changed my position. I like the people I was arguing with, they are friends, it is normal to continue in our accustomed friendly mode after any given disagreement.

Is what you perceived as a change of position that I, personally, was not sure what my feelings were, or would be, about repopulating the earth if I were in such a position? That isn't a contradiction. The stipulated woman was not I. Life isn't easy for any of us, and we are the luckiest people on the planet. It isn't perfectly clear to me that, given the horror that is and has been life for most of humanity, beginning the cycle over again would be a "good" thing to do. I just don't know right now. It's certainly a profound question. There is art, and love, and beauty, and nobility, and.... So how can one know what one would do off the top of one's head? (My stipulated woman, however, was not concerned with human suffering, but only with whether she wanted to have sex with Nouveau Adam.)

I do think your question, which I diverged from in deciding to narrow my quest to getting agreement to the word 'selfish' before going any further, and thus got no further, is a most interesting, provocative one.

If I understand it, its thrust is that you feel there is an irony in a situation in which great sacrifice is asked of, for example, people who work as loggers, in order to save an endangered tree squirrel. And you suspect that there are many who would choose to have the logger lose his job, house, children's educational fund and retirement savings to save the squirrel species, yet wouldn't sanction rape, or even have sex with someone they didn't want to, save the human species.

As I say, I think it's an interesting question, and not one on which I've taken two positions, unless absentmindedly.

I do think your depiction of your own politeness falls short of perfect accuracy, but really, I have no interest in proving it. I recall quite unpleasant remarks to Joan, for example, and about those who inhabit the Grammar thread.

If you want to ask me whether I've changed my mind about some particular thing, I"m happy to answer.

Of course I think where endangered species are concerned, many things must be taken into consideration when trying to figure out the ethical course; and I think that where the endangered species is the human one, too.