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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1548)	8/30/1999 9:26:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Define Your Terms... "Let us establish some parameters," said the professor, "Now then, Bennett, what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," replied Bennett. "And the opposite of depression, Ms. Buston?" "Elation, sir." "And you Thomas, how about the opposite of woe?" "I believe that would be giddy up, sir....."

To: Susie924 who wrote (1548)	8/30/1999 9:27:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

The 9 types of boyfriends 1. Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, okay?" Also Known As: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Snugglepup Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy 2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." Also Known As: Grumbles, Sour-Puss, Stick-in-the-Mud, Old Fogey, Jerk Advantages: Stays put; predictable Disadvantages: Pain in the butt 3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." Also Known As: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle 4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin." "Also Known As: Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig 5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz" Also Known As: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Hobo, Bum, Sleepyhead Advantages: Well rested; easy target Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams 6. The Sneak - "Who, me?" Also Known As: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, SOB Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt Disadvantages: May be having time of his life 7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels." Also Known As: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova Advantages: Perpetually aroused Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused 8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--" Also Known As: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Story Teller, Fool Advantages: Tells good stories Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus" 9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht." Also Known As: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction

To: Susie924 who wrote (1548)	8/30/1999 9:28:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2380

The 9 types of girlfriends 1. Ms. Nice Gal - "Tickets to the boxing match? Oh darling, you shouldn't have." Also Known As: What a Girl, Precious, One of the Boys, Doormat Advantages: Cheerful, Agreeable, Kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday. 2. Old Yeller - "You spineless good-for-nothing no- talent SOB! Can't you see you're making me miserable?" Also Known As: She-Devil, Sourpuss, The Nag, My Old Lady Advantages: Pays attention to you. Disadvantages: Screeches, Throws frying pans 3. Sickly - "Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps." Also Known As: Whiner, Mewler, Grumpy Advantages: Predictable Disadvantages: Contagious 4. The Boss - "Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look." Also Known As: Whipcracker, Sergeant, Ms. Know-it-All, Ball and Chain Advantages: Often right Disadvantages: Often right, but so what? 5. Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, or hair color?" Also Known As: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw C'mon Honey Advantages: Easily soothed Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed 6. Wild Woman - "I've got an idea. Let's get drunk and make love on the front lawn. I done it before. It's fun!" Also Known As: Fast Girl, Freewheeler, Unconscious Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys. Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs 7. Huffy - "I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at" Also Known As: No Fun, Humorless, Cold Fish, Iceberg, Snarly Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you. Disadvantages: You will have no friends. 8. Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship" Also Known As: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic Advantages: Entertaining, Unfathomable Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud. 9. Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I want to make love to you like a crazed weasel." Also Known As: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, The One Advantages: Funny, Intelligent, Uninhibited Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you.