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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (1554)	8/31/1999 3:39:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

The Maid A guy dials his home phone number from work. A strange woman answers. The guy says, "Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid!" "I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house." "Well, this is her husband. Is she there?" "Ummm...she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was her husband." The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" "What do I have to do?" "I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that bitch and the bastard she's with. I will accept full responsibility." The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by a couple of gunshots. The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?" "Throw them in the swimming pool!" "What pool?" "Oops... is this 832-4821?"

To: Barney who wrote (1554)	9/1/1999 7:45:00 AM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

NOTHING UP HIS SLEEVE A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician did in every trick. Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat!" "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" "Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, and of course the parrot was by his side. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for several days. After a week the parrot finally said: "Okay, I give up. What'd you do with the boat ?"

To: Barney who wrote (1554)	9/1/1999 7:47:00 AM
From: Susie924	Read Replies (5) \| Respond to of 2380

Advancing to the Top A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you go in your organization?" The Priest says, "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop." "But, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi. "I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an Arch Bishop," said the Priest a bit cautiously. "Is there any way that you might go higher than that?" "Now, if all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal", said the priest. "Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi. Hesitating just a little bit, the Priest said "I suppose that I could be elected Pope, but the odds there ..." So the Rabbi interjects, "And could you be anything higher than that? What is there higher than the Pope?" "What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!" The Rabbi leaned back, smiled, and said, "Well you know, one of our boys made it..."