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Pastimes : Jokes -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: The Rabbit who wrote (2434)	9/14/1999 5:49:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 2733

An 90 year old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said, "Friend, for your age your in the best shape I've seen." The old feller replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. Why I know I live a good, clean, spiritual life." The doctor asked, "What makes you say that?" The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom light on for me every time I get up in the middle of the night." The doc was concerned. "You mean when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord Himself turns on the light for you?" "Yep," the old man said, "Whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me." Well, the doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said. "I just want you to know," the doctor said. "Your husband's in fine physical shape but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him." "He what?" she cried. "He said every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him." "Aha!!!" she exclaimed. "So he's the one who's been pissing in the refrigerator!"

To: The Rabbit who wrote (2434)	9/14/1999 5:51:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 2733

A man walks into a bar and yells: "QUICK! Give me a glass of beer before IT gets started!" A bartender says: "What started? What are you talking about?" "No questions. Just give me the beer, faster!" He drinks the beer and screams again: "One more, hurry up! Before it gets started!" "What started?" "Nevermind! Give me my beer!" He drinks the second glass and continues: "Third glass! Faster! Before it gets started! Do it!" Finally, the bartender asks: "Hey, pal. Are you gonna pay?" "Shit! It's started..."

To: The Rabbit who wrote (2434)	9/14/1999 5:52:00 PM
From: Peter S. Maroulis	Respond to of 2733

A proud Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar, announcing that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby boy" weighing 20 pounds. WOW! (Congratulations from all around...) Two weeks later the Texan returned to the same bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby boy that weighed 20 pounds at birth? How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answered, "Fifteen pounds." The bartender said, "Why, what happened? After all, he weighed 20 pounds when he was born!" The proud Texas father took a long, slow pull on his longneck Bud, wiped his lips on his shirtsleeve, leaned into the bartender and proudly said, "We just had him circumcised!"