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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1644)	9/17/1999 1:12:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

LIFE BEFORE THE COMPUTER An application was for employment A program was a TV show A cursor used profanity A keyboard was a piano. Memory was something that you lost with age A CD was a bank account And if you had a 3.5 BD floppy You hoped nobody found out! Compress was something you did to the garbage Not something you did to a file And if you unzipped anything in public You'd be in jail for a while! Log on was adding wood to the fire Hard drive was a long trip on the road A mouse pad was where a mouse lived And a backup happened to your commode! Cut - you did with a pocket knife Paste you did with glue A web was a spider's home And a virus was the flu! I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper And the memory in my head I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash But when it happens they wish they were dead! [Author Unknown]

To: Susie924 who wrote (1644)	9/17/1999 1:16:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Subject: 20 Expressions for a hard day! 1. Well, aren't we just a ray of f***g sunshine? 2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we? 3. A hard-on doesn't count as a personal growth. 4. Do I look like a f***g people person? 5. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting. 6. If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. 7. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? 8. Let me show you how the guards used to do it. 9. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be....? 10. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. 11. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed 12. Do they ever shut up on your planet? 13. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. 14. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one 15. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? 16. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. 17. Can I trade this job for what's behind door no. 2? 18. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 19. You look like shit. Is that the style now? 20. Awe, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1644)	9/17/1999 1:18:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Irish Wisdom An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was, "Just plant your potatoes."

To: Susie924 who wrote (1644)	9/17/1999 1:20:00 PM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

The Haircut A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a minister, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to his study and said to him, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study your bible a little and get your hair cut and we'll talk about it." After about a month the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went to the father's study where his father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut!" The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair...." To which his father replied... "Yes, and they WALKED every where they went!"

To: Susie924 who wrote (1644)	9/17/1999 1:30:00 PM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

Have you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round Or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down Don't dance so fast Time is short The music won't last Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply? When the day is done, Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head? You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast Time is short The music won't last Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say "Hi"? You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast Time is short The music won't last When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away... Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over.