To: MythMan who wrote (64027 ) 9/24/1999 9:50:00 AM From: Mitch Blevins Read Replies (2) | Respond to
JUMPER AND PETE M. MANAGE A MUTUAL FUND...After several unsuccessful stints with a talk radio show, our two heroes find themselves managing a mutual fund... the Dipster(tm) Fund. Jumper, the head analyst, is on a bathroom break, so we will join the Manager, Pete M., as he is hard at work playing Windows Solitaire... PETE M: Marcy!MARCY: (as a voice on the speakerphone) Yes, Mr M?PETE M: Do you know which menu lets you undo a move in Solitaire?MARCY: I'll be right in, Mr. M.The door opens and Marcy enters the office. MARCY: I showed you how to do this yesterday, Mr. M. Eventually you are going to have to learn it for yourself.PETE M: <g>MARCY: Shouldn't you be making trading decisions or watching CNBC or something? Especially with the Ballmer thing that hit the newswire...PETE M: What Ballmer thing?MARCY: Don't you do anything besides play solitaire? Steve Ballmer stated a few minutes ago that most of the tech stocks were overvalued. <sigh> It's all over the news.PETE M: Oh my God! Do you think he's right?MARCY: I don't know, Mr. M... I'm only your secretary. Why don't you ask your head analyst?PETE M: Right! That will be all, Marcy. (waves her away with a gesture) PETE M: Wait.. Marcy. Who is Steve Ballmer?MARCY: (sigh) He's the president of Microsoft.PETE M: (blank stare) MARCY: The big company that makes alot of software? You know.. MSFT?PETE M: (blank stare) MARCY: They make that sing-along Barney doll?PETE M: Oh, yes... I know them! That will be all, Marcy. (waves her away again) PETE M: (into the speakerphone) Jumper, can you get in here?JUMPER: (walks into the room) What is it? I'm right in the middle of a solitaire game.PETE M: Steve Ballmer says that stocks are overvalued. I think we may have to do something.JUMPER: Oh my God! Do you think he's right?PETE M: You're the head analyst! You are supposed to know things like this. Can't you tell by looking at the P/E ratios or something?JUMPER: I've heard that you can find the P/E ratio somewhere on the Internet.BOTH: Marcy!MARCY: (walking in with a stack of papers) Here you go. This graph shows your P/E and P/B ratios. The red line shows a historical average, and the blue line shows todays values.JUMPER: Holeee Sheeet! That looks big! Maybe this Ballmer guy is right. By the way, Pete, who is Steve Ballmer?PETE M: He makes those sing-along Barney dolls.JUMPER: Oh, right.PETE M: So, what should we do?JUMPER: Maybe we should sell?PETE M: Yes, I've heard of that. Can we do it with our current software?JUMPER: I think so.PETE M: Then that is what we are going to do. For the first time in the history of the Dipster(tm) Fund, I want you to sell every stock that even looks like it might have the word "tech" in the name. Got it?JUMPER: Alrighty. (leaves the room) Pete smiles and leans back in his chair, lighting a cigarette PETE M: That's why they pay me the big bucks.Fade to Marcy's desk, where the voice of Pete comes in over the speaker phone. PETE M: Marcy!MARCY: Yes, Mr. M?PETE M: Did you know that smoking can cause lung cancer?MARCY: Yes, Mr M.PETE M: Who is this Surgeon General guy? Get him on the phone immediately...(to be continued)
