Silicon Investor (SI) -- The First Internet Community

STOCKTALK

We've detected that you're using an ad content blocking browser plug-in or feature. Ads provide a critical source of revenue to the continued operation of Silicon Investor. We ask that you disable ad blocking while on Silicon Investor in the best interests of our community. If you are not using an ad blocker but are still receiving this message, make sure your browser's tracking protection is set to the 'standard' level.

Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1694)	9/25/1999 10:37:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Subject: engineers Q: What is the definition of an engineer? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand. Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker. Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer? A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own. Q: Why did the engineers cross the road? A: Because they looked in the file and that's what they did last year. Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane? A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way. You might be an engineer if ... .... choosing to buy flowers for your wife or upgrading your RAM is a moral dilemma. .... you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room. .... in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure. .... the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your questions .... at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling. .... you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday. .... you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie. .... you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting. .... you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel. .... you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects. .... you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances. .... you have more friends on the Internet than in real life. .... you know what <http://> stands for. .... you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together. .... you see a good design and still have to change it. .... you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring. .... you still own a slide rule and know how to use it. .... you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived. .... you window shop at Radio Shack .....your laptop computer costs more than your car. .... your spouse hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work. .... you've already calculated how much you make per second. .... you've tried to repair a $5 radio.

To: Susie924 who wrote (1694)	9/25/1999 10:45:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Subject: Fw: Something to offend damn near everyone ====================== Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. ====================== Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong. ===================== What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. ===================== What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring. ===================== Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not going to work in the future, either. ====================== Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying, "Yo" ========================= What do you call an Ohio farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp. ==================== Why do drivers education classes at OSU use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. ==================== What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. ==================== What's the Cuban national anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" ===================== What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

To: Susie924 who wrote (1694)	9/25/1999 10:51:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 2380

"Listen up!" Noah said with a demanding voice. "There will be NO sex on this trip. Not even the wetting of the tips of your penises. All of you males, take off your peckers and hand it to my sons. I will sit over there and write you a receipt. After we see land, you can get your peckers back." After about a week Mr. Rabbit stormed into his wife's cage and was very excited. "Quick!" he said. "Get on my shoulders and look out the window to see if there is any land out there!" Mrs. Rabbit got onto his shoulders and looked out the window. "Sorry, no land yet." "Shit!" and out went Mr. Rabbit. This went on every day until Mrs. Rabbit got fed up with him. "What is the matter with you? You know it will rain for forty days and nights. Only after the water has drained will we be able to see land. Why are you acting so excited every day?" "Look!" said Mr. Rabbit with a sinister look on his face as he held out a piece of, paper, "I GOT THE DONKEY'S RECEIPT!!"

To: Susie924 who wrote (1694)	10/1/1999 12:28:00 AM
From: Susie924	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

NY YANKEES ---- American League East Champs!!!!! A doctor at an (insane) asylum, decided to take his inmates to a baseball > game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his > commands. > When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As > the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, "Up nuts!" > and the > inmates complied by standing up. > > After the anthem he yelled, "Down Nuts!" > and they all sat. > > After a home run he yelled, "Cheer nuts!" and they all > broke into applause and cheers. > > Thinking things were going very well, he decided to go get a beer and a > hot-dog, leaving his assistant in charge. > When he returned there was a riot in progress. Finding his > assistant, he > asked what happened. > > The assistant replied, well...everything was fine > until some guy walked by and yelled, "PEANUTS!" >>