Hi, I received this as an E-mail, thought that you might enjoy it.......
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Clinton. Welcome to EZBreeZee Mortgages. I'm Alan
> Greenspan. No, no relation sorry to say. May I call you Bill and
> Hillary? Fine, first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton and Bill it is.
>
> So you want to buy the old Rye Brook place, four-something acres as I
> recall. That's 2.2 million, and with the customary 20 percent
> down--that's $440,000--leaving a mortgage of $1,760,000. No problem. We
> do those kinds of deals all the time. Now let's have a look at your
> financial statements.
>
> Let's see, Mr. Clinton, you are the President of the United States, of
> course, and your salary is--oh, dear--$200,000 a year. We recommend
> buying a house that costs no more than two and a half times your annual
> salary...
>
> That means you should be looking for something around $500,000,
> perhaps a nice brick ranch on a quarter of an acre, not too fancy a
> neighborhood?
>
> And I see here that you'll be out of a job in 16 months or so. What
> will you do then? Open a library. In Little Rock. Arkansas. Wow. I
> bet that will be some kind of moneymaker.
>
> Mrs. Clinton, you're running for Senate, right? Senators are paid
> $130,000 a year--assuming, of course, they're elected--so even with your
> pension you're still looking at a house in the $825,000 range. Maybe a
> nice center hall colonial where the schools aren't so good.
>
> Mrs. Clinton, you haven't worked outside the house since 1991,
> correct? But you did some volunteer work, I see. You came up with a
> plan to overhaul the entire national health care system? I see. It
> flopped, in other words.
>
> But I see you had several business ventures back in Arkansas. How
> about this Whitewater Development Corp.? It went bankrupt. And Madison
> Guaranty? Bankrupt. And Castle Grande? Bankrupt, too. If you had gone
> to Yale business school instead of Yale law, you could probably get your
> money back. Don't get upset. It was just a little joke.
>
> A little bad luck with the law, too, I see. Three of your business
> partners went to jail. Maybe you could get your money back.
>
> This is embarrassing, I know, but we have to ask because it does,
> after all, affect your ability to pay: Any problems in your marriage?
> No? Fine.
>
> Let's look at your assets: $1.5 million. Not bad. Yes, yes, Mr.
> Clinton, we're not forgetting your Mustang back in Little Rock.
> But--oh!--those liabilities. You owe $5.5 million. That means you're
> $4 million in the hole. How do you expect to pay that off? You're
> hoping people will donate to a special fund? So basically you're
> relying on the charity of strangers.
>
> You also have some serious expenses. A kid at Stanford has got to be
> setting you back $30,000 to $35,000 a year, probably more with the air
> fares. And she wants to go to medical school? Ouch!
>
> And Mr. Clinton, there's a little matter of a $90,000 fine for lying
> in court. I guess that rules out putting your law degree to work. Say,
>
> how do we know you're not lying on you loan application? Good point.
> It would look a lot better if you were lying. Are there any other legal
> matters we should know about?
>
> You say you're in the clear, Mr. Clinton, and the first lady is pretty
> much in the clear indictment-wise. What does that mean? You don't
> think--don't think--she's going to get hit with a perjury or obstruction
> of
> justice rap. But we're not totally sure, right? That means there's
> a remote possibility --note that I say "remote"--that you could be
> trying to pay off a $1.76 million mortgage while making 12 cents an hour
> stitching mailbags for the feds, and he is trying to make a go of a
> library in Little Rock.
>
> Let's review the situation. One of you is now unemployed and the
> other one soon will be. You have these whopping great debts that you're
> hoping someone is going to come along and pay. You have a financial
> history that can only be described as "checkered", plus a bunch of
> serious financial demands and ongoing legal problems. Your tangible
> assets seem to consist of an old Ford.
>
> So, Congratulations! Welcome You've got your mortgage. |
