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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Neocon who wrote (6727)10/1/1999 3:07:00 PM
From: Les H  Read Replies (4) | Respond to of 769667
 
Hillary's Listening Tour

Moo Jew Gai Pan

We have been following First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton's campaign to become the next U.S. Senator from New York. For those interested in learning more about Mrs. Clinton's views, you can find her website at hillary200.org. Clinton has been conducting a "listening tour" of the Empire State, attempting to get her finger on the pulse of the electorate.

Animal Farm

We first caught up with the Clinton campaign in rural upstate New York. Appearing in overalls, a plaid shirt, and a John Deere cap, Hillary Clinton met with a group of dairy farmers in Oneonta. She told them: "This morning, as I was preparing to come here, drinking my glass of milk and reading The Farmer's Almanac, I thought about the problems of New York dairy farmers, as I have since I was a little girl."

She listened intently as farmers discussed problems ranging from too-frequent marriages of first cousins to the high cost of beer. She then addressed the crowd:

"While I have been working on my next book, It Takes a Herd, I have worked out a proposal to expand Medicare and Medicaid coverage to include prescriptions for Bag Balm." Hillary then made known her support for the Northeast Dairy Compact, an initiative stalled in Congress. The Compact would allow New York farmers to join forces with farmers in New England, with the goal of really sticking it to consumers.

After several rounds of some local moonshine, the First Lady consented to demonstrate her impressive bull-castrating skills to the locals.

Hillary in the Catskills

We then followed Hillary into the Catskill Mountains, and attended a listening session in the heart of the Borscht Belt at the Concorde Hotel. HRC presented the guests with her bold ideas on furthering the cause of Zionism.

"As I spread the lox and cream cheese on my bagel this morning, I slipped Yentl into the VCR, and began to dream of a day when Jerusalem could again be the capital of Israel. This is a dream that I have had since I was a little girl."

In keeping with her theme, she heard numerous complaints, including kvetching about the high cost of flights to Miami and how small the portions were at the earlier free breakfast.

Addressing one of the most frequent complaints, Hillary told the crowd: "While writing my new book entitled It Takes a Shiksa, I've worked out a proposal to have rhinoplasty covered under Medicaid and Medicare. I've been concerned about the lack of coverage for this procedure for years. You see, many of my best in-laws are Jewish."

A yenta piped up from the crowd: "How long have you known about these Jewish in-laws?"

"How long should I have I known about these Jewish in-laws? Oy vey! Ah, I'm kvelling! I just found out this week."

After a few glasses of Manischevitz, Mrs. Clinton, beaming empathy to the crowd, said farewell with the ancient Yiddish toast: Ikh volt veln fir katshkes morgn.

Visit to Chinatown

Later that same day we found the First Lady, dressed in a severe gray-wool pants suit with a high collar, in Chinatown near the famous "Dancing Chicken."

She told an enthusiastic crowd: "I've been thinking a lot about China lately, as many of our most generous supporters over the years have been Chinese. I was watching re-runs of Kung Fu this morning while I was eating my rice and eggs, and thought to myself, "Hirrary Crinton, wipe that inscrutable look off of your face, and contemplate that Most-Favored Nation status for China. Shouldn't we just make that a permanent thing? Wouldn't that stop all of this bickering between our great peoples?"

As has been her practice on the tour, she spent time listening to the concerns of the area residents. One young man, a recent immigrant, queried the first lady about technical problems he had been having back in Beijing: "We having real problem with microchip controlling stabilizing fins in W70 Mod3 neutron bomb. Real-time response to wind shear forces at inadequate level. Can you help?"

"Well, yes, I just happen to have brought with me my position paper, HRC-080499-W70, which addresses that question in detail. Make sure you pick one up before you leave."

After a few bottles of Tsing Tao, Hillary rose to toast the crowd, telling them "Confucius says, "When you cross lame duck with cooked goose you get something fowl.""

bandersnatch.com



To: Neocon who wrote (6727)10/1/1999 3:17:00 PM
From: Lisa  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 769667
 
Neocon, Please do not think for one minute that I meant that they ever violated th sanctity of the Confessional outside their jurisdiction which is within the confines of their own Offices where they are free to speak among themselves.I have been
a Catholic Church for many years. I was baptized and Married
at Holy Comforter Church by a Monsignor :-) I was confirmed
at St. Matthews Cathedral by Archbishop O'Boyle who officiated at Jack Kennedy's Funeral. The Franciscan Monastery is one of my favorite places in D.C. I remember the role the Catholic Church and Pope Pius played during and after WWII.

I will always resent President Johnson Kneeling and praying at
St. Dominic;s Church then coming out and ordering Troops to Viet Nam.



To: Neocon who wrote (6727)10/1/1999 3:27:00 PM
From: MulhollandDrive  Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 769667
 
I'm listening to an interview with the leader of the "Reform Party" and he is saying that they are asking him to step down from the party. Apparently, the rank and file members are really riled at his comments about religion, Tailhook, etc.

bp