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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Katt-000 who wrote (1780)	10/15/1999 4:36:00 PM
From: Katt-000	Respond to of 2380

Hi all, cracking a bottle of cabernet in honor of*** Happy Hour* Got a new puppy, been a challenging week, need to chill. Here's a couple laughs for everyone, I really got a kick out these comebacks. Have a great weekend all... ******** Subject: The 5 questions most feared by men.... 1 What are you thinking about? 2 Do you love me? 3 Do I look fat? 4 Do you think she is prettier than me? 5 What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses. Question 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: A Football. B Golf. C How fat you are. D How much prettier she is than you. E How I would spend the insurance money if you died. Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking!" Question 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include: A Oh Yeah, shit-loads. B Would it make you feel better if I said yes? C That depends on what you mean by love. D Does it matter? E Who, me? Question 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are: A Compared to what? B I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. C A little extra weight looks good on you. D I've seen fatter. E Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include: A Yes, but you have a better personality B Not prettier, but definitely thinner C Not as pretty as you when you were her age D Define pretty E Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died. Question 5: What would you do if I died? Definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat"). No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines: WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: shit...