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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1828)	10/21/1999 8:49:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

How the heck was I supposed to know this thread was infiltrated with a bunch of cat lovers. lol Barney

To: Susie924 who wrote (1828)	10/21/1999 8:52:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

She'll Never Find It Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets and a ruby pendant." "But, Mam, you are not wearing any of those things." "True enough," said Mrs. Whembleton. "If I should predecease my dear husband I know he will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go stark raving mad looking for the jewelry."

To: Susie924 who wrote (1828)	10/21/1999 8:54:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

An Alaskan woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker were in Alaska arguing about which state had the toughest trees to peck. The Alaskan woodpecker said that they had a tree that no woodpecker can peck. The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able to peck a hole in the tree with no problem. The Alaskan woodpecker was in awe. The Texas woodpecker challenged the Alaskan woodpecker to peck a tree in Texas that no woodpecker had been able to peck successfully. The Alaskan woodpecker expressed much confidence that he could do it. After flying to Texas and successfully pecking the tree in Texas, the two woodpeckers couldn't figure out why the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the Alaskan tree and the Alaskan woodpecker was able to peck the Texan tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state. After thinking for some time they both came to the same conclusion: Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home...

To: Susie924 who wrote (1828)	10/21/1999 8:54:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube." "Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup." "Alright, we could get a blood sample." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die." "Fine then, just walk this white line." "Can't do that either, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk."