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To: Curbstone who wrote (9823)	11/6/1999 10:35:00 PM
From: Mike Buckley	Respond to of 54805

Aloha, I have had similar experiences with my wife due to her lack of interest in investing that is as profound as is my love of it. She enjoys the outcome but doesn't enjoy the process so she's thrilled to leave it up to me. I do think it's important to occassionally touch on the issues of investing that are most invigorating to you. If it's important to you, it will be important to your wife to a certain extent simply because she will be interested in what makes you tick. And vise versa, of course! I also like the idea of showing how the portfolio is doing compared to the S&P 500. Beyond that, it's all about achieving a level of balance that is acceptable to both of you. Knowing what that fine line is requires a good deal of open communication about it. As for having your face buried in the monitor, it's probably better for both of you that you try not to let that happen. :) Not much help, I know, but it's all I can think of at the moment. --Mike Buckley

To: Curbstone who wrote (9823)	11/6/1999 11:05:00 PM
From: lurqer	Respond to of 54805

You old timers Does "hitched" 3 1/2 decades count.<g> As a pragmatist, I can only tell you what worked for me. First, (on my advice <grimace, grimace>) she would by 2 (yes that's two) shares at a time (no flames about transaction costs please). Recently, she wants to put a more serious amount of "her money" (there's our money and her money - do you have this problem too) in the market. Now I don't advise, (so ignore this post) so I was ill prepared. My final advice was 75% Q 25% GMST Sound like anyone we know. <g> I don't have a Level II, I have what I call a Level -0. I borrow my wife's computer. Since she's saying the pizza (home made) is ready - gotta go. Not even hanging ... maybe later lurqer

To: Curbstone who wrote (9823)	11/6/1999 11:26:00 PM
From: Uncle Frank	Respond to of 54805

>> You old timers gotta help me out here. What works? What doesn't? The question of the ages, Aloha <g>. My solution had several components: I put together a detailed weekly "Portfolio Value" sheet, including a graph, so Aunt Nancy could see how I was managing OUR money. I located my computer in the den, where we hang out in the evenings. If she chooses to watch tv and I choose to do investing stuff online, we are still together. When Nancy received an inheritance, I encouraged her to set up a separate account and she makes her own investment decisions. If she wants my advice, I'll gladly give it, but I try not to interfere. Note: I was unable to resist promoting Q to her, and she is nicely overweighted in it <g>. I encouraged Nancy to read Beating the Street and the Gorilla Game so she could develop her own style. As we compare returns, we learn from each other. Once Nancy saw how well she/we were doing, she became very interested in the process, and often lurks the thread on her own. At this point, she considers me the guardian of the family fortune, which is why she supported me in my decision to leave the day job. We're still working on our relationship, Mike, but we've only been married 28 years <vbg>. uf btw, Aunt Nancy's has a 46% return her account since she set it up in May.

To: Curbstone who wrote (9823)	11/7/1999 4:24:00 AM
From: Seeker of Truth	Respond to of 54805

I respond to your question and Uncle Frank's invitation. I've had exactly the same situation as you for years. I and my wife are happily married. The key matter is to show the relationship of your interest in investment with the future. I point out to my wife that investment is protecting the family in the future. We might encounter, for example, an impoverished old person, and I'll remark to her that I'm determined that she and I and our next generation won't have to be miserable like that in our old age. If the investment hobby and the connection to SI, which gives us such valuable ideas and perspective, is seen as apart from the spouse then she will resent it. I don't think for example that women like to be golf widows, wherein the hook or slice is far more important than her affairs. But if investment is not about some crass desire to be macho rich, but is for the family, women will sympathize even though they may not want to get involved in the details. My wife is particularly impressed when I happily say to her that thanks to the stocks she can write bigger checks this year to our favorite charities.

To: Curbstone who wrote (9823)	11/7/1999 7:24:00 AM
From: Poet	Respond to of 54805

Aloha, Mike, As one of the "girls" you addressed your post to, may I first suggest that addressing an adult woman as a "girl" may not be a great place to start smoothing things over. :) I'm not sure what kind of answer you're looking for, as I face the same issues as you do with my noninvesting husband. Treating him with dignity, acknowledging that while what I "do" is more profitable, it is no more important than what he does, and treating profits like shared property are what works in our marriage. I loved your image of reading the newspaper. Very very sweet. The fact that you're concerned about this at all tells me the two of you will do fine.

To: Curbstone who wrote (9823)	11/7/1999 7:37:00 AM
From: 100cfm	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 54805

alhoa, first thing you have to do is wake up earlier,as i do. started reading posts at 6:30est. then when the wife wakes up you have a nice breakfast (that you prepared) with her. spend sometime with her afterwards(you need to be able to sense the appropriate amount of time yourself). then look for a distraction, maybe she gets a phone call and zap you're in front of your monitor clicking away. but remember you must come up for air, lunch time is usually a good time. then same routine as breakfast. then dinner. then use the "i'll be right in dear" line and zip over to the monitor for a quick and final reading and or maybe a quick post. then off to bed with sweet gorilla dreams. just one of many operational plans that can be deployed. don't use the same one too often, effectiveness depletes with overuse. in the end a nice gift from the outrageous profits we are making here is also a never fail strategy and a nice way to say i love you. cfm making breakfast

To: Curbstone who wrote (9823)	11/7/1999 1:59:00 PM
From: red jinn	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 54805

aloha mike: re what works in a marriage. i'm only taking the time b/c it's sunday, but i think the secret is thinking (knowing in my case) that you got the better deal. i don't know why sue married me, but i've been grateful ever since. (she doesn't read this thread, so if you quote me i'll deny it. <g>) once she admitted more or less the same thing to a friend - not that i got the better deal but that she was glad to have married me. now i only bring up that conversation occasionally, just to make sure she still remembers. but that's the secret and the only trick is to let her know every time she sees you looking at her that you know it. hope this helps. best, red jinn