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Pastimes : The Naked Truth - Big Kahuna a Myth -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MythMan who wrote (75374)	11/14/1999 10:25:00 PM
From: Lucretius	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 86076

ROFLMAO!!!! read: A Parody - (of sorts) By Professor von Braun The Rocket School of Economics November 14th , 2001 It was reported today that Mr. Alfred E Greenspun, the famous contributor to Mad magazine, admitted during a candid interview with Marcel Marceau, the famous French mime artist, that he had been masquerading as the Chairman of the Federal reserve for the last 12 years. During this period he confirmed that while being deemed responsible for Federal reserve policy on such things as interest rates, money supply, credit control and a host of other related activities he had no idea of what he was doing. Asked to reveal what insightful methods he had used to provide guidance and influence policy decisions he said that his favorite was to toss a coin, throwing a dart at a dartboard was another, and counting the bubbles in his bathtub was another. He also liked to turn on the taps and fill the bath to nearly overflowing and this activity had influenced his actions when it came to the money supply. When questioned about his association with the arts and asked as to who his favorite performers were he replied, Monty Python, Abbot & Costello, the Marx Brothers and the TV show "Double Jeopardy". To the question what are your favorite examples of good investments in American public companies he replied, Amazon.com, Amazon.com and Amazon.com. To the suggestion that these might be the same company he replied: "no they were different- he had all of them bookmarked seperately". He also insisted that the stock market should be limited to cattle, sheep, pigs and chickens. Why include fish he said. He also said that all Federal reserves should be combined with Indian reserves, Naval reserves, Air Force reserves and any other relevant reserves. This would allow him to have a bigger bath tub, with bigger bubbles and would allow him to provide even greater inspiration to the US riverbank system of default banking. When questioned about the level of consumer debt he replied as long as it did not go higher than the neckline it should not be a problem. After all 260 million consumers can't be wrong. Besides spending was fun, just ask my wife. On gold reserves he said they should be banned. When asked why he replied that gold reserves were best used for such useful purposes as making bathtubs, toilet seats, disposable diapers and trash cans. It was after all, like steel, copper and aluminum, just a metal and had no place in the modern banking system. When questioned as to what the modern banking system actually was he replied that it was the implementation of the art of creating wealth out of thin air, a technique he believed he had perfected to the nth degree. He went on to say that he considered his greatest achievement the removal of all regulations that had anything to do with the protection of the consumer from the antics of errant bankers and any resulting unsound monetary policy. Unsound monetary policy was much more fun and practicing errant banking policy was easier than listening to all those boring commentaries provided by the sound banking institute, an organization he said was now completely redundant. On the topic of business cycles he said that it was his belief that cycles were good for the people and that every family should own at least two. Just look at the Dutch he said. Cycles were good for the environment, good for ones health and generally good for business. When questioned about his favorite pastime apart from tennis, he said that collecting beanie dolls was his favorite, followed by pokemon monsters. During the interview, he also confided that he thought warren buffet had the worst buffet in the entire world and that the buffet's at the Las Vegas casinos, institutions he admired, were far superior. He mentioned that he thought that a consortium of casinos (numbering not more than one), should takeover the IMF and that casino chips should be accepted as legal tender for all debts. His most secret desire he confided, was to turn the world into a giant casino, with buffets at every corner, large bathtubs available to all, and amazon.com shops in every mall. The author of this article is currently on the 2001 space shuttle, (recently renamed "What - me worry?") on a fact finding mission to Marsington, a planet believed to be responsible for the current foul smelling green tinted odour permeating the earths atmosphere. Subject to communications disruptions cause by sunspots, solar flares, black holes, blue holes and lunar influences, both natural and manmade, he might be contactable at profvonb@aol.com. Otherwise leave a message at space shuttle 2001, answering service, ph 101 555 1212.