Latest (?) in Washington Post nonsense contest!
My brother sent this to me. Maybe it's old rather than new, but it's still funny.
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Subject: Times were tough
Winners and honorable mentions from the Washington Post contest in which participants were asked to tell Gen-Xers how much harder they had it in the good old days:
Second Runner-Up:
In my day, we couldn't afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In the winter we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.
(Bill Flavin, Alexandria)
First Runner-Up:
In my day we didn't have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you'd weigh the needle downwith something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were too small, so we'd use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn't adjust our skates, which didn't really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, not like today.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
And the winner of the velour bicentennial poster:
In my day, we didn't have no rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.
(Barry Blyveis, Columbia)
Honorable Mentions:
In my day, we didn't have dogs or cats. All I had was Silver Beauty, my beloved paper clip.
(Jennifer Hart, Arlington)
When I was your age, we didn't have fake doggie-do. We only had real
doggie-do, and no one thought it was a damn bit funny.
(Brendan Bassett, Columbia)
In my day, we didn't have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we
ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes drenched in melted fat from those animals. And we're all as strong as AAGGKK-GAAK
Urrgh.
Thud.
(Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
In my day, we didn't have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.
(Jon Patrick Smith, Washington)
In my day, we didn't get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off voice
saying 'Doors closing.' We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out it scraped along the tunnel all the damn way to the Silver Spring station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.
(Russell Beland, Springfield)
We didn't have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and
oxygen atoms.
(Diana Hugue, Bowie)
In my day, we didn't have Strom Thurmond. Oh, wait. Yes we did.
(Peg Sheeran, Vienna)
Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun
revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a
giant tortoise.
(Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)
In my day, we wore our pants up around our armpits. Monstrous wedgies, but we looked snappy.
(Bruce Evans, Washington)
Back in my day, "60 Minutes" wasn't just a bunch of gray-haired liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-haired liberal 60-year-old guys.
(Russell Beland, Springfield, & Jerry Pannullo, Kensington)
In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback
barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you
could outrun him.
(Sarah M. Wolford, Hanover)
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