To: TimbaBear who wrote (72578 ) 11/20/1999 2:43:00 PM From: lee kramer Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 120523
Just got back from my weekly session with the mettlesome but never laconic and former Roto-Rooter repairman, Doc Kronkite. "Assume the position boobeleh" the good doctor instructed, so I plopped my weary bones on his lumpy, frumpy and still dumpy couch. "So talk on me already. Talk." he said. "Well doc, I had an awful week trading" I moaned. "Again a bad week? You're developing a trend here. If you were a stock I'd short you." "Thanks doc, I needed that." "Don't take umbrage boobeleh, it's all part of your therapy. Didn't you read my book "Chronic-Droolers and Village Idiots"? Chapter 73 read, it applies directly to your case. A best-seller by the way." "I'll read it doc, but I don't want to talk about my day-trading, it's just too painful. Can we talk about my dogs?" "Dogs, you have dogs?" he asked. "Sure, talk on your dogs. What kind dogs?" "Black labs doc, Capt. Tomato and er, Lettuce. Got 'em as pups. And until recently they loved to run free. Now I gotta keep 'em in most of the time 'cause some goober in our town pushed for a leash law. They're depressed doc. Say, do you treat dogs?" "No dogs. But the solution is easy, it's good you came to me. Get another black lab. Name him "Bacon". "Doc, this is serious. It's affecting my home life and my er, sex life." "Again with the sex? What is it now?" he asked. "See doc, I gotta walk the dogs on a leash and it tires me out so much I don't have any energy for sex." "Another easy solution. I'll write you a subscription for Niagra. Works every time." "Thanks doc." "But better you should get an eclectic-fence, that'll do the trick" he said. I got an electric fence doc. But it didn't work. See, Capt. Tomato and Lettuce are Very Smart dogs. They run through the electric fence, take the zap and spend a few hours visiting with their buddies in the neighborhood. So I asked the 'Gemmers for help. Mr. Stress told me how to train them to respect the fence. He said I had to take the dogs near the fence so they could hear the beep. This way they'd learn to associate the beep with the zap." "Beep, zap? So did it work?" he asked. "Nope. I tried to get Capt. Tomato near the fence. Put her on a leash and pulled. She weighs 105 pounds doc, I couldn't budge her. Threw my back out, developed a hernia and had to get fitted for a truss. So I tried with Lettuce who weighs only 50 pounds. He dug in and refused to move. So I picked him up and started walking him to the fence. He peed on me doc. I'm beside myself. What am I gonna do doc?" He rubbed his beard, closed his eyes. "Simple. Forget the dogs, forget the fence. Go back to your lousy trading. Short Intel and some of the hi-flyers, gonna be a down week, mark my words. You'll feel better." "Thanks doc. You always help me. See you next week."