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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1948)	11/22/1999 10:36:00 AM
From: The Rabbit	Respond to of 2380

Naw, I liked the attention.

To: Susie924 who wrote (1948)	11/23/1999 2:45:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

DEEP THOUGHTS (by George Carlin) 1. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? 2. Do infants enjoey infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 3. How is it possible to have a civil war? 4. If God dropped acid, would he see people? 5. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 6. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? 7. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 8. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it? 9. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? 10. Why is is called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 11. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? 12. If the "blackbox" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole damn airplane made out of that stuff? 13. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 14. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? 15. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section"? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 16. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? 17. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? 18. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 19. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?

To: Susie924 who wrote (1948)	11/23/1999 8:43:00 AM
From: Zbyte	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

Murphy's Technology Laws #1 You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. #2 Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. #3 Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. #4 If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. #5 An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing. #6 Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he will believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure. #7 All great discoveries are made by mistake. #8 Nothing gets built on schedule and within budget. #9 All's well that ends...period. #10. A meeting is an event which minutes are kept and hours are lost. #11 The first myth of management is that it exists. #12 A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection. #13 New systems generate new problems. #14 To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. #15 We don't know one-millionth of one percent about anything. #16 Any given running program is obsolete. #17A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. Dogs "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?" -- Rita Rudner "My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money." -- Joe Weinstein "Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." -- Ann Landers "Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." -- Robert A. Heinlein "In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him." -- Dereke Bruce "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." -- Ben Williams "When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem." -- Edward Abbey "Cat's Motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it." -- Unknown "You can't always tell what a dog's thinking by the look on its face." -- Michael Harrington