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To: The Philosopher who wrote (12576)	11/22/1999 1:53:00 PM
From: SIer formerly known as Joe B.	Respond to of 62551

This may have been posted last year. It might even have been me who posted it, any how: Barbie's Letter to Santa: Dear Santa, Listen you fat troll, I've been saving your ass every year, being the perfect Christmas Present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in December and dressing in fake Chanel at sappy tea parties. I hate to break it to ya', Santa, but it's payback time. There had better be some changes around here, or I'm gonna call for a worldwide meltdown, and trust me, you don't wanna be around to smell it. These are my demand for Christmas 1999: 1. Sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker in hot pink bikinis. Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and velcro up your butt? I don't suppose you do. 2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off. The cheap-o molded underwear some genius at Mattel came up with looks like celulite? 3. A REAL man. I don't care if you have to go to Hasbro to ge him , bring me GI JOE. Hell, I'd take Tickle_Me_Elmo over that pathetic bump of a boytoy , Ken. And with was up with that earring anyway? HULLO!?! 4. It's about time you made us all anatomically correct. Give me arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once is he is anatomically correct. 5. Breast reduction surgery. "Nuff said. 6. A jog-bra. To wear until I get the surgery. 7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher are so passe. 8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe "Corporate Bitch Barbie" complete with briefcase and male secretary. 9. No more McDonald's endorsements. The grease is wrecking my vinyl complexion. 10. Mattel stock options. It's been 40 years - I think I deserve a piece of the action. Considering my valuable contribution to society and Mattel, I think these demands are reasonable. If you don't like it, you can find yourself a new bitch for next Christmas. It's that simple. As ever, Barbie Ken's Letter to Santa: Dear Santa, It has come to my attention that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were made about me, my sexuality, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to take this opportunity to inform you of issues concerning Ms. Barbie, as well as some of my own needs and desires: First, I along with several of my colleagues, feel Ms. Barbie DOES NOT deserve the preferential treatment she has received over the years. That bitch as everything. Neither I, nor Joe, Jem nor The Raggedys, Ann & Andy, have dreamshouses, Corvettes, dune buggies, or evening gowns and some of us do not even have the ability to change our hairstyle. I have had a limited wardrobe, obviously designed to complement but never upstage Mr. Barbie. My decision to accessorize with an earring was immediately quashed, which I protest, for it was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice. I would like a change in my career to further explore my creative nature. Some options which could be considered are "Decorator Ken," "Beauty Salon Ken," or "Broadway Ken" (with wigs and gown), or "West Hollywood Ken." These would more accurately reflect my interests and, I believe open up markets that have been underserved. As for Mr. Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push me away", I need bendable kness so I can kick the bitch to the curb. Bendable knees would also be helpful in other situations of which you are aware. In closing, further concessions to the Blonde Bimbo from Hell, while the needs of other within my coaliton are ignored, will result in legal acton to be taken by myself and others. And kindly tell Ms. Barbie she can forget about G.I. Joe.. he's mine, at least that's what he said last night. Sincerely, Ken