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Strategies & Market Trends : Cents and Sensibility - Kimberly and Friends' Consortium -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: stan s. who wrote (33998)	11/27/1999 1:27:00 AM
From: Autumn Henry	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108040

Stan, what a superb post! What a wonderful clear-headed way of thinking. As I said I have not formed exactly my opinion of the aspects of trading. I know some parts make me very uneasy and others don't. But I have had some questions since I started trading on several issues and have had to make some peace on them. This trading and bantering and some of the cruelty and aftermath was more personal this time. Some of the players I really care about--and I am concerned about pride goes before a fall for them as well as wondering how I feel personally. I have done just about every kind of trading with every kind of motive and I think I am looking for knowing who I really am with trading. For instance I have limited money and have to make limited decisions. And yet I found myself being frustrated by jumping in and out of stocks recently without understanding why. And then it came to me. The stocks I were jumping in and then quickly out at even or a touch of profit were "not right". Now this is really strange but....like JDSU..I felt the l98 was the low before a run up. I encouraged my son to get in because I felt it was going to fly and stay. It is now about 260 a week later. Now you might ask...are you crazy or what cause I got in it at the same time then bailed (small small amount of shares). Now Autumn, if you think it is going up why aren't you in it??? I did the same thing yesterday with EMLX at l63. Because I can only make a few choices and those, even though I believe they are going up are not---satisfying enough--because I don't have as much money as Kimberly does for instance so I have to really choose. And that is how I am finding out that there is a "frustrated" part of me who will sabotage my trading if I am not authentic enough to myself given I do have a limited amount of money to trade and I cannot put money on all the stocks I think will go up---I just can't. So I guess I am looking at satisfaction and Autumn. Yes, it is satisfying to "call the bottom" on EMLX and call the "just before the run up" on JDSU and perhaps on ARBA have called the bottom just now (perhaps) but what would really really be satisfying to Autumn is to act on the bold out of nowhere SIFY dream at 55ish that woke me up out of a sound sleep a week ago. Or the CMRC dream that went up 200 points in less than 2 weeks more or less. Or believing that EPNY from day one would crank. There are alot of companies I think are going up....I can't get in them all so which one matters the most to me? It is like having only a year to live but in stock choices....:)) Most of these I missed because I was too busy not being authentic. Too busy thinking of getting into ADSP or JDSU or whatever dither thing when what would really be satisfying is getting into MSLV and feeling it's going to triple and being in on it. Or when walking and "asking" my intuition what stock to consider and it says "CLIC" (several days ago) and I don't until today but acting on it....and believing it is a double or more. It is perhaps the "same" thing only slower with ADSP.....I don't know.....I am asking for viewpoints here so I can find my way cause I am finding I am much more personally "satisfied" and trading better when I trade more authentically. And if I believe we will be trading "foreign" stocks as casually as we trade INTC within a year and I want to "prove that" to myself as a visionary thing I want to act on that....that is satisfying. And I have worked and begged and pleaded (the universe/god/whatever) to be able to trade the way I can see is true for myself as far as success goes-- and just as I am ready to throw in the towel with abject frustration and do---within l2 hours I get a trading system come to me that is so apparently near perfect for my personality and likes and dislikes and belief system and so successful that I am stunned. This took 3 l/2 years to get through tons of trial and error. But the key I find among other things is that it is "authentic" to Autumn. I believe that trading-- being creative is such a reflection on self and who we are and what we believe that I watch to see if I like what I see in myself. Do I like who I am? If I don't then what is it based on? What does it tell me about where Autumn needs to grow and change? Is it a Catholic guilt thing? Is it the "anti-American" thing about shorting?(these are not good reasons for me but I have had to examine that) Is it the "undeserving lower self-esteem" thing of childhood beliefs? (Tharp/Douglas/Henry..:) Is it a conflict to not succeed because of an upper limits problem?(not being able to handle the discomfort of "too much good" and how that changes your life)... Etcetera...always more personal growth work to do and that is one reason why I love trading.....it forces me to grow, grow, grow and I love growing. And then, on a personal level that I am boldly sharing with everyone who reads this. When I was a child my father (and others) spent a great deal of time trying to hold me down under their thumbs by calling any confidence I showed negatively as "arrogance" (and you know confidence is essential for good consistent trading in every book you read), and having my own particular intelligence being so discounted and denigrated that I find that consciously/unconsciously I am "proving" to these ghosts of the past "how smart I am" through trading.. That is a certain satisfaction. You see, a little terribly shy farm girl with thick glasses (at the time-yeah VISX!) in a town of 800 people in the midwest in my time was not supposed to amount to anything not alone be smart. I guess that is something I have not gotten done proving. The market allows me to prove how smart I am if I allow it. But somehow there is a difference to me with being smart with CLIC and ADSP.....and I don't know what that is yet...maybe being part of the steamroller rolling over other human beings on purpose or letting other very naive traders left holding the bag while I "sneak off" giggling at how smart I am knowing how to play this kind of game.....I don't know if I want that versus CLIC. I am examining that. And as far as the antagonism of the shorts.....well, I don't have to go down to other people's level do I no matter how much they might seem to "deserve it"?....:) Trading for me is on many levels. And there have been plenty of inner conflicts and unresolved emotions which I am continuing to make sense of and make peace with. This is the new one I have never thought of before--morality--and my part in it. It is about Autumn to Autumn. I am continuing on my quest to be authentic and I thought I might get some good thought provoking posts so that I might find myself with the mirrors you generous people graciously put up for me. And Stan, you as always, --have not disappointed. Thank you again for your thoughtful post as it is very helpful and I am printing it out right now.... Autumn