<<Wow, how did I miss this one? Great tale as usual, Croc. Tell us another one. >>
I've been a bit on the busy side lately, so this isn't a new one... It's a "recycled" story from the old "BOOMER" thread on SI, but I think it rates a return performance... It's kind of gross... Probably explains why I don't have kids... human ones that is... (-:
Anyhow, since you asked for it... here you go... another Croc story..;-}>
I used to give guitar lessons to this very smart kid (about a 10 yr. old). One summer, his parents asked if I would be willing to babysit this boy and his older brother (12) while they were away in Europe for a week. Well, I figured it would go O.K....kid "A" being such a nice, smart kid and all. What I hadn't considered was that kid "B" (the older brother) was a rotten little demon from Hell....
On the day of their departure, the parents gave me $20 in case I needed it for "emergencies" like food, etc... They also put a piece of paper on the fridge door with each kid's name on it. I was supposed to write down any "bad deeds" and deduct $1.00 from an allowance of $20 that each kid was going to have as spending money on a trip to England later that summer. With those fine instructions out of the way, they departed and never called home again for the rest of the trip.... (smart devils).
Well, let's just say that kid B was just about the worst little sh*t that I ever met in my life. By about the end of the first day, he had already lost half his $20 on the list for doing things like taking several records out of his parent's jazz record collection and using them as "dartboards" down the basement while I was busy cooking supper... Everything "bad" that he did was of that caliber or worse...just frigging unbelievable.
Oh, and BTW, to compound my problems, the Mom was into health food stuff, so the kitchen had ONLY stuff like bulger, brown rice, kasha, millet, etc.... I had absolutely NO idea how in hell to cook this stuff...I mean, I was only about 17 and this was in the days before health food. I did the old standard babysitter cooking thing of taking out some recipe books and looking for the most spattered pages and then doing those recipes... Trouble is, I don't know how good a job I did 'cause the end results were so darned weird anyhow...
Well, it sure was one very long week... By the end of the second day, Kid "B" had used up his whole $20 allowance on the "Bad Deed List"... so he ripped up the sheet on the fridge door. Dopey me... I decided to tell him that I had hidden a second duplicate list somewhere... Well, thus began the "destruction" of the house as he quite literally "tore the place apart" looking for the non-existent second list.....BTW, this included tearing the lining out of my suitcase while I was in the basement doing laundry. And Hey!! Did you know that the old suitcases used old pages of newspapers as padding behind the satin lining?? Gee, I didn't until I came upstairs and found my destroyed suitcase thrown on the bed... with all of my underwear missing....GRRRRRRHHHH little monster...!
Well, the days gradually dragged by... with me truly despising this kid more and more each day. And by the end of the week, I was getting PRETTY DAMNED SICK of trying to turn bird seed into 3 meals a day....
On the final Saturday, while I was busy vacuuming up the after-effects of a cracker stomping fit on the living room carpet... the two boys decided to take a little impromptu trip to a "fireworks" shop about 30 miles away with one of their friends' families... and of course, nobody bothered to tell The Babysitter.... So, here I am in this strange neighbourhood, running from house to house knocking on doors asking what happened to the kids I was babysitting... Funny thing though... at each house I went to the people would listen to my story then give me this funny knowing little smile and nod their heads... then say... "Oh Dear....don't worry about THOSE boys... I'm sure THEY'LL be O.K..... Oh, and by the way, would you be interested in babysitting OUR boys... You must be very GOOD if you've lasted the whole week at the XXXXX's house...."
Well, Monster A and B returned home much later in the day, armed with a very large bag of fireworks.... My "search party" efforts had resulted in little time to prepare yet another "birdseed" supper... So, after caving in to their begging, I ordered a couple of pizzas... Well, the pizzas arrived, and I went to get the $20 emergency food allowance and SURPRISE! SURPRISE!!!...it has mysteriously transformed itself into a big bag of firecrackers... Hmmmmm... I had to go and borrow money from a neighbour to pay for the pizzas.... then scare up some of my own $$$ to repay them the next day...
On the final day of my Incarceration in Hell, I did a lot of cleaning up around the place... Monster B had asked me if he could sleep in his parents' bed all week and I thought, "Heck, if it keeps the kid out of trouble... well why not?"... Anyhow, I tidied up the room, changed the sheets, and as an afterthought, I checked the bathroom to make sure it was tidy, etc... Welllllllllll.......
......Let's just say that I've heard of bizarre acts of defecation on the part of dogs or cats who get p.o.'d when their masters go away on a trip..... Well, that was probably nowhere in the magnitude of this little "revenge act".... GRRRRHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Somehow, cleaning up this kid's litterbox just didn't seem worth the hundred bucks I got for looking after the little monster.... Hmmm....I just "erased" my description of the scene... use your imagination... but it will NEVER match the reality... don't leave out the the bathtub, the walls, etc... Oh, and also my missing underwear....(-:
Well, at long last the parents arrived home and asked how everything had gone... I just sort of quickly said... "Oh fine... NO PROBLEM... then roared off in my 1962 Dodge Valiant Signet... tires squealing to drown out the Mom's shouted request about whether I would be available for another week later in the summer...
No WAYYYYY, Jose!! |
