To: JF Quinnelly who wrote (43164 ) 12/7/1999 12:37:00 PM From: Rambi Respond to of 71178
A rebuttal to: Reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: "Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal" Religious meaning aside, Christmas is just another excuse to go shopping ... obviously a woman's idea (and probably a woman marketing exec at that). If a man had come up with Christmas, there would have been more bowl games, something better than eggnog to drink and probably more nudity involved. But like taking out the trash, Santa Man (a.k.a. errand boy) was left toting the bag. "men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve" Those who wait are probably afraid of rejection. It's likely that many were ridiculed for previous gift selections. I think this is directly related to the spike in the suicide rate at this time of year. "First of all, there would be no reindeer, because they would all be dead" Everyone knows that reindeer meat is too tough and gamy. And as for sport, elf bowling is far more entertaining than shooting a domesticated animal. "he would inevitably get lost ... and then refuse to stop and ask for directions" There are no streets up there in the clouds, so there are no wrong turns. Besides, only a man could keep a cherry-red sleigh in mint condition for so many years. "Men can't pack a bag." Maybe so, but I guarantee you a man could pack a sled so that not even a square inch of space is wasted. "Men would rather be dead than be caught wearing red velvet." If there is even the slightest chance he might get lucky, a man would wear just about anything. "Men would feel their masculinity is threatened, having to be seen with all those elves." See above reference to bowling. "Men don't answer their mail." Men don't send "Dear John" letters either. "Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly." Obviously you've never heard the expression: "Why settle for a six-pack when you could have a whole keg!" or "Just more of me to love, baby." "Men aren't interested in stockings unless a female is wearing them." Are you kidding? Men get interested at the mere mention of the word "stockings." "Having to do the Ho, Ho, Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women." Perhaps it is the women who are trying to bag Santa ... for a (Yule) tidy sum. Ho, ho, ho.