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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (2005)	12/9/1999 9:52:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

LAWS FOR WOMEN TO LIVE BY.... 1. Don't imagine you can change a man....... unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out on you? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon..... they should be able to put them all up there. 4. Never let your man's mind wander..... it's too little to be out alone. 5. Go for younger men. You might as well...... they never mature anyway. 6. Men are all the same...... they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart. 7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. 8. Women don't make fools of men.....most of them are the do-it-yourself types. 9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it. 10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. 12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. 13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks. 14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his. 15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

To: Susie924 who wrote (2005)	12/9/1999 9:57:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

And some more male bashing Men Are Like........... ... Bank Accounts. Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest. ... Blenders. You need one, but you're not quite sure why. ... Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips. ... Coffee. The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long. ... Commercials. You can't believe a word they say. ... Computers. Hard to figure out and never have enough memory. ... Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere. ... Copiers. You need them for reproduction, but that's about it. ... Curling Irons. They're always hot, and they're always in your hair. ... Government Bonds. They take so long to mature. ... Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong. ... Lava Lamps. Fun to look at, but not all that bright. ... Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. ... Parking Spots. The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small. ... Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

To: Susie924 who wrote (2005)	12/9/1999 10:03:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Docktor! Did You Say wHat? The following Mis-statements were found on patient's charts during a recent review of medical records. Written by various health care professionals around the US, including (we're afeard) a doctor or two at several major hospitals: "Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation." "Coming from Detroit, this man has no children." "Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized." "Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress." "I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy." "She is numb from her toes down." "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce." "The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately." "The lab test indicated abnormal lover function." "The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch." "The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week." "The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed." "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as stockbroker instead." "The skin was moist and dry." "When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room." "While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home."