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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (2034)	12/15/1999 6:26:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

. THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (a classic from the archives, updated for the age of E-mail) __________________________ From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 14 My dearest darling John: Where on earth did you find a real partridge in a pear tree? Thank you a hundred times! All my love forever, Lydia ============================================================== From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 15 Dearest John: I received your sweet gift. Imagine: two turtle doves! They're adorable. Thanks again! Love always, Lydia ============================================================== From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 16 Dear John: Aren't you the extravagant one. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens! Love, Lydia ============================================================== From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 17 Dear John: Today I got the four calling birds. Now really, they're beautiful, but isn't that a bit too romantic? Affectionately, Lydia ============================================================== From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 18 Dearest John: What a surprise. Today the UPS delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. Just in time, as those birds squawking were starting to get on my nerves, and I was beginning to wonder about you! Love, Lydia ============================================================== From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 19 Dear John: When I opened the door today there were six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining. Please stop. Cordially, Lydia ============================================================== From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 20 John: What's with you and freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird poop everywhere. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop! Lydia ============================================================== From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 21 O.K. Buster: What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds - they had to bring their cows! There's manure everywhere and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off, smartass. Lydia ============================================================== From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 22 Hey Bonehead: What are you...some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing - and I mean playing! They haven't stopped chasing those maids since they got here. The cows are upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors want me evicted. What were you thinking?! ============================================================== From: Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 23 You rotten jerk: Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I say "ladies." They've been fooling around with those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you. ============================================================== Lydia Zeltow <lydia@zeltownet.com> December 24 Listen you "#$%&*^#" Great - now there's eleven lords a leaping on those maid and ladies. All twenty-three of the birds have been trampled to death in the orgy. The pipers have even started getting the cows into the action. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine!!! Your sworn enemy =================================================================== Harrison Burnsley, Esq.<hburnsley@burnsleyhodgkins.com> December 25 Dear Sir: This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Ms. Lydia Zeltow. The destruction of her property and peace of mind was, of course, total. All correspondence should come to our attention. Should you attempt to locate or contact Ms. Zeltow at the sanitarium where she now resides, the attendants have been instructed to have you arrested on sight.

To: Barney who wrote (2034)	12/16/1999 9:47:00 AM
From: Susie924	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

> LAWN OF ILL REPUTE > > > A man was walking one day, when he came to this big house in > a nice neighborhood. Suddenly he realized there was a nude > couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another > couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some > bushes by the house. He walked up to the door of the house > and knocked. > > A well-dressed woman answered the door and the man asked what > kind of a place this was. "This is a brothel," replied the > madam. > > "Well, what's all this out on the lawn?" queried the man. > > "Oh, we're having a yard sale today." >