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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: MSB who wrote (67145)	12/18/1999 11:20:00 AM
From: epicure	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 108807

I remember very well being hit- and I remember thinking "when I am BIG I will get even for this". I had pretty murderous feelings for my parents when they were spanking me for "correction". I doubt I am the only person to feel that way. As spankings made me very angry and resentful they made me want to get back at my parents (mostly my mother, my father wasn't much of a spanker). I think they actually made me naughtier and sneakier. I remembering justifying some bad behavior (to myself) by saying to myself- that I didn't have to behave for such a horrible mother- of course it wasn't verbalized in quite that way in my little brain, but I remember what I felt with great clarity. My daughter tells me EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. Things I wouldn't have DREAMED of telling my mother. And I never punish her physically. Even when I DO punish her- no matter how angry I am- I try to make the punishment less if my daughter has been honest AND I try to make the punishment fit the "crime". My children are infinitely better behaved than I was- they aren't sneaky, they don't lie, and they don't do nasty things in anger to retaliate against me. I remember everyone got "the belt" in the neighborhood where I grew up. Welts and bruises were common. Now that is considered shocking. I do not think I will be surprised if spanking goes the same way as belting. It might not- who knows? I only know that in our house we have found other types of discipline much more effective and emotionally satisfying than physical punishment.

To: MSB who wrote (67145)	12/18/1999 4:03:00 PM
From: Grainne	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

<<The reason I asked whether or not you an I are going to have a problem with regard to Edwarda is because I sense some underlying tention from some posters against her which seems to me to be of a more personal nature than being based on issues of a discussion nature. It has been my long standing opinion that you are above such behavior. I hope I will continue to be right in that regard.>> I base my opinions of other posters on the way they act, Mike, much more so than on whether I share their deeply held opinions. I am pretty sure you must already know this, because certainly you and I do not agree on much of anything but continue to have an interesting dialogue. I must say that I think it further enflames thread disagreements when a whole bunch of people get together and gang up on others, and I see this happening here. I don't have a lot of respect for people who do that, and if their posts at the same time are illogical, vacuous, or seem to have no other intent than pure annoyance, it does get on my nerves. I do not think anyone is above totally losing it if they are continually provoked, either. Incidentally, I was not saying that children are confused about why they are being spanked. Most often they know what they did that was wrong. I believe they are EXTREMELY confused the first time the the beloved parent hurts them. After that I think they learn to mix love and pain, and lose trust. I just don't think this is a good thing to have happen from a child development perspective. I have never even gotten close to hitting my child. I child proofed my house, made very clear that throwing a tantrum would have no good result (she tried this twice at tow and then learned), and used time outs and taking away privileges, as well as suffering the natural consequences of her bad behavior, and an occasional essay writing activity, and these all worked very effectively. These are all much less strenuous than the physical activity necessary to catch and hit someone who may run very, very fast.