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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Susie924 who wrote (2044)	12/18/1999 5:57:00 PM
From: FREAKAZOID	Read Replies (5) \| Respond to of 2380

I have been thinking a lot about the year 2000. I really think things are going to change. I would now like to share seven predictions I have for the year 2000. 1. People will be able to communicate telepathically. 2. We will no longer drive cars, hover crafts will replace them. 3. Unemployment will be 0% 4. 30% of the worlds population will move to colonies on Mars. 5. California will fall into the Ocean (My first choice was N.Y). 6. Mail Men will no longer deliver mail in sleet or snow (rain is still cool with em' though) 7. Susie924 will finally win the lottery and split it with the HappyHour Gang. I would be interested to hear other threadsters predictions for the year 2000. freak!!

To: Susie924 who wrote (2044)	12/20/1999 9:55:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

Letters To The Landlord... They Really Said It... "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared. " "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant. .. ." "The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?" "Would you please send a man to repair my downspout. I am an old page pensioner and need it straight away." "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door. " "The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous." "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." "Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it." "Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink." "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces." "Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us."

To: Susie924 who wrote (2044)	12/20/1999 9:57:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

It's scary out there... 7 out of 4 people are schizophrenic. <^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^> Bumper Sticker on truck Pass on the right - driver chews.

To: Susie924 who wrote (2044)	12/20/1999 10:03:00 AM
From: Barney	Respond to of 2380

A little Holiday Spirit... Subject: Twas the night before Y2K... Twas the night before Y2K, And all through the nation We awaited The Bug, With extreme trepidation. The chips were replaced In computers with care, In hopes that ol' Bugsy Wouldn't stop there. Innocents could think They were snug in their beds But the Nerds tossed and turned With dread in their heads. Ma with her PC, And I with my Mac Had just logged on the Net And kicked back with a snack. When over the server, There arose such a clatter I screamed "Holy Gates! What could be the matter!" The banks were imploding, Going up with a flash It turned out ole Bill Had withdrawn all his cash! My browser turned sluggish, My email bounced back, All the icons were sliding Down the screen of my Mac. I thought of rebooting With an anti-virus drug But I knew it was hopeless Against the Y2K Bug. Bill Gates' face downloaded In no time at all, He whistled and shouted, "Let Mac systems FALL! "No Intel! No Gateway! No HP! Big Blue! Compaq and Micron And Packard-Bell too! "All processors big, All processors small, Crash away! Crash away! Crash away all! "Take out the power plants, Let taps run dry, Kill microwaves, VCRs, Planes in the sky!" I jumped up with fright And was turning around, When out through the modem, Gates! came with a bound. He was covered with ermine, And slung on his back Was a sackful of viruses, Set for attack. His eyes-how they twinkled, His dimples-how merry, In childish delight Like hell's emissary. He had a plump little face Looking something like Nero, And in no time at all He destroyed my Track zero. His face was transfixed, And perpetually grinning, Making just a brief smile When my hard drive stopped spinning. A wink of his eye, And a twist of his head, Soon gave me to know A new feeling of dread. He spoke not a word But whizzed over the land, Ruining all things electronic With a wave of his hand. He zoomed from each system, To the folks next in line, Causing total disruption, Which he thought was sublime. When all was a shambles, There was one last resort, Emptying our checkbooks To Microsoft tech support. We'd end the millennium Hearing that voice onerous: "Stay on the line, Your call's important to us."

To: Susie924 who wrote (2044)	12/20/1999 10:06:00 AM
From: Barney	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

Things to do at Walmart while the spouse is taking her sweet time Christmas shopping. 1. Get the boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples carts when they are not looking. 2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute intervals. 3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms. 4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens. 5. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10. 6. Challenge other customers to duel with tubes of gift wrap. 7. Put M&M's on layaway. 8. Move "CAUTION_WET FLOOR" signs to carpet areas. 9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows from the bedding department. 10. When someone asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask "Why won't you people leave me alone?". 11. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose. 12. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I.Joes and X_Men. 13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon. 14. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. 15. Switch signs on the men's and women's bathrooms. 16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible". 17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front. 18. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels. 19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through say "PICK ME! PICK ME!!!!!!". 20. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker assume the fetal position an scream "NO!NO! It's those voices again". 21. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them you don't get out much and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it. 22. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud ...."Hey we're out of toilet paper in here!".