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Pastimes : Let's Talk About Our Feelings!!! -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: greenspirit who wrote (67174)	12/18/1999 2:14:00 PM
From: Neocon	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 108807

Most people would consider what you describe to be abuse.....including most people who spank.....

To: greenspirit who wrote (67174)	12/18/1999 2:47:00 PM
From: epicure	Respond to of 108807

I agree with you. Our parents were probably abusive- well at least my parent was. But that said, I haven't seen any benefit from spanking. Ever. The best punishments for my kids have involved learning experiences- that were painful but not remembered as an indignity. And they remember some of these- without anger at US (parents) but as a lesson learned- because we always tried to be creative, and make the punishment relate to the infraction. Hitting, on the other hand, is so generic. And hitting someone FOR hitting someone else is just silly. Hitting is wrong....whack....now remember that. I have always been amused by that.

To: greenspirit who wrote (67174)	12/18/1999 2:57:00 PM
From: Rambi	Respond to of 108807

Hi Michael, I was never struck as a child. (Well, except for my father rapping my knuckles with his fork when I sucked my spaghetti. And I carried on about how he had damaged my delicate pianist fingers until he probably wanted to break every one of them-- slowly.) Yet my parents did other things that I think were every bit as harmful to my developing into a confident and assertive individual as physical abuse. My mother was into control of every bit of my life. I had no autonomy- not emotionally, academically, physically. There were no barriers- no separation between her and me. I loved her very much and miss her to this day, but it took therapy for me to realize just how damaging that kind of control can be. CW was exactly the same type child as I was-- energetic, impetuous, original, outspoken. We tried hard not to force him into molds of acceptable behavior because by then I realized how I had been intimidated and repressed, how I had had to turn inward to fantasy and writing and music. ANd why I avoid unpleasantness and confrontation. Physical abuse is so much easier to focus on than all the other things we can do to our children, all the invisible, unreasonable, angry words and actions, the stripping of power, the words that destroy belief in your own existence. We watched other adults, and teachers, and administration attempt to change CW into their idea of a "good" student, (meaning agreeable, easy, non-assertive)and we found ourselves having to defend him, sometimes for things we didn't even agree with him on, only with his right to say and do them. As parents, again, it is our responsibility to do what we believe is right for our child.. SOmetimes that means going against the common thought. However, we should never close ourselves off to constant evaluation of our own actions and motives, including a willingness to admit when we are wrong. Tonight I am off to dinner and the opera accompanied by my two tall, handsome, wonderful sons. I think it's one of those moments Moms live for.