To: JF Quinnelly who wrote (44323 ) 1/1/2000 12:01:00 PM From: Drygulch Dan Read Replies (3) | Respond to of 71178
TEOTWAWKI - or - ISN'T THIS THE YEAR OF THE RAT ?? About 2 hours into this new century KC the cat, who had been noticeably absent since dinner the night before, made a rather noisy entrance. Monica whispers, "I think he HAS SOMETHING! Having just jousted successfully with fate once again, an hour or two before, betting on some non-Y2K compliant software, I just wanted to sleep. "No he doesn't! He just wants a midnight snack." "You better check!" Groggily, I get up. He eats again, the fat little scamster. Back in bed, I nod off to dreamland. 5:30 AM shrieking awakens me! "THERE'S A THING!!!!" ON THE WINDOW!!!! ITS HORRIBLE!!!! GET IT!!!!" I stumble to the bathroom as M. scurries into the furthest corner of the house. There above the dust coated plastic flowers in a cheap but sentimental vase, is a living breathing rat clinging to the window screen. A vulgar wild creature with bubonic plague fairly dripping from its desperately clutching paws. Discovered by M. only after sitting next to him, relieving herself. I yell "Its OKAY! Honey! We'll get it!" as I fling KC into the bathroom and reach for the longest available thing I can grab, a crutch. Now why I should have a crutch handy may be a good question better answered elsewhere. But that's it, my instrument of battle, entering the new century preparing for war armed but with a stick. And war it is, the witted and terrified up against the formidable alliance of man and beast. Only one problem, KC doesn't see the rat. The rat moves. KC is attracted to the general direction, but the plastic flowers are blurring the action. I gingerly reach out and rescue said vase. The rat now exposed freezes, clinging to the screen upside down facing off with a slow-witted, satiated and sleepy cat sitting on the toilet not two feet away. There we all stand/sit/cling, transfixed staring. What's this ? Realizing its my manly role to DO SOMETHING!, I reach the screen with the crutch and thump it above the rat (wishing now that I had Alex's casull). He drops to the floor and in a whirlwind of fur and motion, he and KC zoom around the bath and storm past me into the bedroom, where the rat dives into a pile of clothes left from the night before next to the bed. I am mortified. How will I tell her? "Don't worry honey, sleep tight, the rat probably won't bite you while you are sleeping" comfort lines start running through my mind. Now the war begins in earnest. I realize everything in the room must go. Fortunately this old house was built when doors were in vogue. I open the bedroom door to the outside. Then gingerly, with KC guarding, the rat cornered under a dresser, I start the preparations. First the clothes and shoes, then the bed covers, then the mattress, pretty soon there is not much left in the room save the three of us and the heavier furniture. At this point the rat sensing the tightening noose makes his break. Running along the windowed wall (floor to ceiling glass panels) he smells the scent of freedom, but alas gets distracted by the view through the final pane before reaching the open door, he charges back and forth between the two wooden uprights. KC is on him seconds later. They scurry back to the corner cat and rat running side by side! He is safe once again behind the nightstand. KC crouching in front, catching his breath, thrilled by this new turn in the game. KC has now become a liability. Finally realizing this I toss him out of the room down the hall, then crutch in hand close in for the final strokes. Feeling the cold thump of rubber closing in, the rat dashes once more down the glass lined wall, the box springs now on its side angled and wedged into the open door, directing the rat through the threshold guides him to a freedom in the cold morning dawning of this new century and the dark that still shrouds the back deck. Afterwards, surveying the wreckage jumbled and strewn about the house, I find KC ensconced in M's blanket with M on the living room couch sleeping peacefully, dreaming little rat-chasing dreams. I wish it were 19 anything right now but having no recognizable bed to crawl back into anymore, I turn resignedly to face this brave new world and escape once more on this web. Rats! I'm awake, its dawn.