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Politics : Ask Michael Burke -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Knighty Tin who wrote (74432)	1/25/2000 1:38:00 PM
From: Skeeter Bug	Respond to of 132070

RANDOM THOUGHTS FROM GEORGE CARLIN Never raise your hands to your kids.It leaves your groin unprotected. ______________________________________________ I'm not into working out. My philosophy is "No pain, no pain." _______________________________________________ I am in shape. Round is a shape! _______________________________________________ I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets. _______________________________________________ Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? _______________________________________________ I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. _______________________________________________ Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? Yet when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. _______________________________________________ Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac. _______________________________________________ You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where she is. _______________________________________________ The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. _______________________________________________ Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together and don't argue, a bank robbery has just taken place. _______________________________________________ I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them. _______________________________________________ The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you. _______________________________________________ I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I only have photographs of her. ________________________________________________ Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the Jimmy Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.