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Pastimes : Don't Ask Rambi -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: JF Quinnelly who wrote (46580)	2/7/2000 11:30:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Freddie, I was so impressed by what a good sport you've been lately that when I saw this South Carolina University Engineering Exam, I thought of you. So I am posting it in your honor. I intend to follow it with a South Carolina University School of Law Final Exam, but will have to do it later, after I spend some time on it. <<SCU Engineering Exam 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. 2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A) '66 Ford Fairlane B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle C) '64 Pontiac GTO 3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators are necessary to condense the product? 4. A pulpwood cutter has chain saw that operates at 2700 rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Pabst Blue Ribbons will be consumed in cutting the trees? 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in the ozone layer? 6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1 inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? 7. A man owns a house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile home on the man's land? 8. A 2-ton pulpwood truck is overloaded and proceeding down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph. The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of secondary roads, how many people will swerve to avoid the truck before it crashes at the bottom of the mountain? For extra credit, how many of the vehicles that swerved will have mufflers and uncracked windshields? 9. A Coal Mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during the shift? 10. How many generations will it take before cattle develop two legs shorter than the others because of grazing along a mountainside?>>

To: JF Quinnelly who wrote (46580)	2/7/2000 11:46:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Respond to of 71178

Just wanted you to know how sensitive I am to your ethnic heritage - here is a test to see if you're Irish: 1.The ideal Irish wife is: 1.Pretty, thin, and well educated 2.hardworking and loyal 3.able to both wrestle and drink any man under the table 4.there is no such thing 2.I drink: 1.on occaision and in moderation 2.beer frequently 3.to excess 4.only whenever I'm breathing 3.Irish Coffee is: 1.a wonderful mixture of fine Irish whiskey and coffee 2.a good way to dump old whiskey and stale coffee 3.a noxious way to get tourists drunk enough to spend more money 4.the only way a real Irishman will drink coffee 4.Clothes make the man, so... 1.I always dress neatly 2.I always undress females, who shouldn't be men 3.I let mine do all the work 4.This explains a lot about the Scots 5.A Leprachaun is: 1.Chaka Khan's sister with a dermatology problem. 2.The Irish role model 3.The result of stale beer or whiskey 4.those little green things singing loudly and dancing in your bathtub at 4 a.m. while you try to sleep off your hangover 6.True Irishmen: 1.Are whimsical, jolly people 2.Hate the English 3.Enjoy their leisure time 4.Have flammable breath and high-octane blood 7.Faeries are: 1.Another example of the whimsical side of the Irish 2.San Franscisco Alternative-Lifestyle proponents 3.the only beings who actually do any work in Ireland 4.what you see dancing on your nose after a particularly successful drinking party 8.Gnomes are: 1.Yet another example of whimsey 2.English law makers 3.all Irish In-Laws 4.what you see dancing around your feet after a particularly successful drinking party 9.If you worked overtime all night, when coming home, you would tell you spouse... 1.that you worked hard out of your love for her 2.that you worked hard out of your love for beer money 3.a lie to save face... that you were having an affair 4.a lie to save face and not embarrass yourself with your friends... you say you were stone-drunk lying face down in a gutter, and you say it with the Pride of the Irish. 10.Irish women are wonderful... 1.Always 2.when drunk 3.when picking you up off the floor 4.to send after those you really hate 11."You are what you eat", so... 1.I eat healthy and excercise regularly 2.I eat everything in an attempt to become more worldly 3.I am $#^& since that is what the government keeps feeding me 4.I am beer nuts and pretzels 12.A good dog... 1.is a loyal and trusted companion 2.protects the homestead by barking at and attacking intruders 3.protects the homestead by cunningly lying still, napping, until the intruder trips over it and breaks his own neck 4.is a much better conversationalist after both you and it have had a few beers 13.An Irishman marries... 1.Because he loves and cherishes his bride 2.Because he needs someone to pick him off the floor 3.Because buckshot in the rump hurts like the dickens 4.Whoa!!! I got drunk and did WHAT?!? 14.The most redeeming quality of the Irish is... 1.Their sense of fun and whimsey 2.Their sense of family and tradition 3.That they are Irish... what more could you want? 4.That they keep breweries open all over the world. 15.Saint Patrick's Day is... 1.A celebration of one of Ireland's holiest figures 2.The day when the rest of the world comes to its senses, briefly. 3.A put-on 4.A good reason to get drunk 16.Friday's are... 1.The end of a productive week and the start of a productive weekend. 2.The chance to officially not work instead of unofficially doing it. 3.The beginning of a 3-day party 4.A good reason to get drunk. 17.Breakfast is... 1.The most important meal of the day 2.never big enough 3.About eight hours too early 4.A good reason to get drunk Scoring for the Irish Test: All questions are scored the same. (A) - subtract five points from your score (B) - no effect on your score (C) - add five points to your score (D) - add ten points to your score. For the most part, this can be considered an IQ test. Negitive scores MUST be Scottish, and should be taken out and shot. Scores over 100 can safely be assumed to be a sign of True Irishness

To: JF Quinnelly who wrote (46580)	2/7/2000 11:50:00 PM
From: Ilaine	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 71178

Scottish Qualifying Bar Exam: 1.The ideal Scottish wife is: 1.Pretty, thin, and well educated 2.Able to make a little go a long way 3.Stupid enough to put up with a Scot 4.not scottish and too smart to marry one 2.Bagpipes are: 1.a wonderful expression of Scottish traditional values 2.a wonderful way to rid your house of rodents, cats, dogs, and all other intelligent creatures 3.a more soothing sound than the voice of a Scottish Mother-In_Law. 4.a practical joke played on the slow-witted Scots by the Irish centuries ago, that the Scottish have not fully caught onto yet. 3.The Kilt is: 1.another wonderful example of Scottish traditions 2.a good way to catch a cold 3.another Irish practical joke 4.proof that the Scots have no balls. 4.The Scots hate the Irish because: 1.the Irish never work and always play 2.everyone loves the Irish, no one loves the Scots 3.all those practical jokes 4.The Scots hate everyone... the Irish are just the closest. 5.A drunken Scot: 1.is a disgrace to house and home 2.is less able to stand vigelence over his finances 3.is an incoherent, drooling mess 4.is an improvement 6."A penny saved is a penny earned" and a good Scot... 1.invests that penny for his retirement 2.polishes and shines that penny, and counts it over and over to see how much that penny is worth 3.spends hours trying to save more pennies 4.Trick question: there is no such thing as a "good Scot" 7.A good dog: 1.is a loved and trusted companion 2.should be served in a stew because charcoal costs too much 3.is industrious at ridding the house of parasitic pests (except for the Scots themselves) 4.is better than the best Scot. 8."Money is the root of all evil"... 1.so we try to gather all the evil we can into one place 2.Evil is such a judgemental word... I'd select another one but dictionaries cost so much these days.... 3.A good Scot always digs to get to the root of everything 4.that, since they never spend it, it's a good thing the Scots are too incompetant to earn any. 9.A smart Scotsman 1.Is industrious and invests wisely 2.can win arguments against a stone... when lucky. 3.Claims he is Irish 4.There is no such thing as a smart Scot 10.Scots drink... 1.Seldom and sparingly 2.Only Scotch Whiskey, because they like it 3.Scotch because nobody else will 4.to forget that they are Scottish Scoring for the Scottish Test: All questions are scored the same. (A) - subtract five points from your score (B) - no effect on your score (C) - add five points to your score (D) - add ten points to your score. For the most part, this can be considered an IQ test. -infinity to 0: you are perfectly qualified to be Scottish. 1-50: you are not quite as well qualified to be Scottish as a four-week-dead warthog, but better qualified than my houseplant 51-99: Although you aren't Scottish, you also are not qualified to be Irish. Tough Luck. 100+: you must be Irish... take the other test.