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Pastimes : Happy Hour: A thread for not so intelligent discussions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Barney who wrote (2256)	2/20/2000 1:35:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol containers. > > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are > not. > **************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. > ************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over > and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. > ************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. > ************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really > dying for you to telephone them at 4:00 AM. > ************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to > your pants. > ************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see > something really scary (whose species and/or name you can't remember). > ************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on > the forehead and knees. > ************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, > handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck. > ************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. > ************************************* > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you. > ************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, > whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear. > **************************************** > WARNING: > The consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy. >

To: Barney who wrote (2256)	2/20/2000 10:35:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

> Two tourists were driving through Louisiana. As they were approaching > Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the > town. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. > > As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the blond > employee, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for > us? Would you please pronounce where we are, very slowly?" > > The blond girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, > Kiiiiing.

To: Barney who wrote (2256)	2/20/2000 11:21:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to > > a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems > > worse than usual. Nothing is even moving." > > > > He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of > > cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's > > the hold up?" > > > > The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed that Hillary > > wants to leave him that he stopped his motorcade in the middle of > > the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and > > set himself on fire. He says his family absolutely hates him and he > > doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers for that whole > > Monica thing. So I'm walking round taking up a collection for him". > > > > "Oh really? How much have you collected so far?" > > "So far only about three hundred gallons but I've got a lot of folks > > still siphoning > > >

To: Barney who wrote (2256)	2/20/2000 11:48:00 PM
From: Susie924	Respond to of 2380

How Many Do You Remember????... FREAK......I DON'T WANT TO HEAR THAT YOU WEREN'T EVEN BORN IN THE 50'S OR 60'S!!!!!!!!!! You're probably too young to get all of them, but old enough to be surprised at some of the things you WILL remember! 50's & 60's Memory Test > 1. "Kookie; Kookie. Lend me your __." 2. The "battle cry" of the hippies in the sixties was "Turn on; tune in;______." 3. After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, the grateful citizens would ask, "Who was that masked man?" Invariably, someone would answer, "I don't know, but he left this behind." What Did he leave behind______? 4. Folk songs were played side by side with rock and roll. One of the most memorable folk songs included these lyrics: "When the rooster crows at the break of dawn, look out your window and I'll be gone. You're the reason I'm traveling on_____." 5. A group of protesters arrested at the Democratic convention in Chicago in 1968 achieved cult status, and were known as the ___. 6. When the Beatles first came to the US in early1964, we all watched them on the ____show. 7. Some of us who protested the Vietnam war did so by burning our___. 8. We all learned to read using the same books. We read about the thrilling lives and adventures of Dick and Jane. What was the name of Dick and Jane's dog?______. 9. The cute, little car with the engine in the back and the trunk (what there was of it) in the front, was called the VW. What other names did it go by? ______ & ______. 10. A Broadway musical and movie gave us the gang names the ____and the _____. 11. In the late sixties & early seventies, nonconformists were called "hippies." But in the early sixties, they were known as _____. 12. William Bendix played Chester A. Riley, who always seemed to get the short end of the stick in the television program, "The Life of Riley." At the end of each show, poor Chester would turn to the Camera and exclaim, "What a _____." 13. "Get your kicks, ____________." 14. "The story you are about to see is true. The names have been changed __________." 15. The real James Bond, Sean Connery, mixed his martinis a special way:_____________. 16. "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, ____." 17. That "adult" book by Henry Miller - the one that contained all the dirty" dialogue - was called _________. 18. Today, the math geniuses in school might walk around with a calculator strapped to their belt. But back in the sixties, members of the math club used a _________. 19. In 1971, singer Don Maclean sang a song about "the day the music died." This was a reference and tribute to ________________. 20. A well-known television commercial featured a driver who was miraculously lifted through thin air and into the front seat of a convertible. The matching slogan was "Let Hertz ________." 21. After the twist, the mashed potatoes, and the watusi, we "danced" under a stick that was lowered as low as we could go in a dance called the _________. 22. "N-E-S-T-L-E-S; Nestles makes the very best ... ____." 23. In the late sixties, the "full figure" style of Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe gave way to the "trim" look, as first exemplified by British model ____. 24. Sachmo was America's "ambassador of goodwill." Our parents shared this great jazz trumpet player with us. His name was ____. 25. On Jackie Gleason's variety show in the sixties, one of the most popular segments was "Joe, the Bartender." Joe's regular visitor at the bar was that slightly off- center, but lovable character ________. (The character's name, not the actor's.) 26. We can remember the first satellite placed into orbit. The Russians did it; it was called _________. 27. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?____________. 28. One of the big fads of the late fifties and sixties was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waist; it was called the ___. 29. The "Age of Aquarius" was brought into the mainstream in the Broadway musical ______. 30. This is a two-parter: Red Skelton's hobo character was _____.Red ended his television show by saying "Good night, and ________________." I didn't do as well as I thought I would. Maybe I'm younger than I thought! Answers tomorrow

To: Barney who wrote (2256)	2/21/2000 12:27:00 AM
From: Susie924	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 2380

John had just won first prize at a cat show and had received a 10-day cruise to the Puerto Rico. The catch was, though, pets weren't allowed on the cruise. So John decided to leave his cat with his best friend, Al. Al agreed to come over to John's house and live with his mom for the duration of the cruise. John told Al, "Just feed the cat three meals a day, and take good care of him. He's my prize-winning cat!" And with that, he left. The next day, John phoned Al on his cell phone and asked, "How are things?" To which Al responded, "Things are fine." "How's Mom?" "Mom's fine." "How's the cat?" "The cat's fine." Satisfied, John hung up. Next day, John called Al again, asking the same questions. "How are things?" "Things are fine." "How's Mom?" "Mom's fine." "How's the cat?" "The cat's DEAD." "WHAT?!?" John was quite distressed. "How could you let it die? It was my prize cat!" "Well, John, I'm sorry, but I couldn't do anything, I didn't see it. But what I think happened was that the cat was on the roof, fell off, and broke his leg. Then, he hobbled out into the road, and got run over." John was cooling down a bit now, and said, "Well, couldn't you have tried to break it to me over time? You could have said it bit by bit. For example, you could have first said 'The cat's on the roof', then the next day said 'The cat fell off the roof, and broke its leg', see what I'm saying." "Yeah, yeah, I get it. See you later, John." "Ok... bye." John hung up. The next day, John phoned Al again. "How are things?" "Things are fine." "How's Mom?" "Umh," Al said, "Mom's on the roof."