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Non-Tech : The Critical Investing Workshop -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Clappy who wrote (5090)	2/25/2000 6:49:00 PM
From: elpolvo	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 35685

HEE HAW!! clappy's here. all is well now. all is well. <polvie grabs dealer dude and starts his little jig dance.> it's time to PARTY!!! -polvie

To: Clappy who wrote (5090)	2/25/2000 7:17:00 PM
From: mtnlady	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 35685

Clapton's guitar.. anytime! Give me some of that Journeyman album! Yahoo! ... oops .. that's that other board.. <wicked grin!>

To: Clappy who wrote (5090)	2/25/2000 7:59:00 PM
From: Clappy	Read Replies (6) \| Respond to of 35685

<ClaptonsGuitar can be heard as his junker rumbles down the road. He his followed by a flatbed lumber truck and a few Ryder rental vans.> <He instructs the Porch Dwellers to please stand under the shade of the large Magnolia tree.> Voltaire asks, "What is going on here?" I can't express my gratitude to you and the other Porchers so I figured I would SHOW you my thanks instead. <The lumber truck slowly backs down the driveway followed by the other vehicles. Various sized lumber, hydrolic pistons, electrical wiring, and hardware are being unloaded.> <Clapster passes out hard hats to Techguerilla and Down South who proceed to hand them to the others.> <Within minutes a huge cloud of dust covers the porch. The sound of saws, nail guns, and jack hammers fill the air.> <The friendly faces of the crowd begin to look even more curious. Polvo tries to sneak up to the porch area but is accidentally greeted with the swinging end of a long 2x6. Like a Louieville slugger meeting a fastball, polvie is sent sailing into the flower bed for a ground rule double.> <After an hour or so of noise and dust, Clappy walks out into the clear air. His tool pouch hangs lower than the exposed upper half of butt crack.> Mr. Voltaire and good friends, I'd like to surprise you with my creation. Please close your eyes and follow me up to the porch. <Everyone closes their eyes and grabs each others hands and slow proceeds up to the wooden structure. Molloy takes advantage of the moment by taking a long piece of straw and using to simulate a bug flying into Jill's ear...> At the count of three I would like everyone to open their eyes. O.K. ready now... One, Two, Three! Ta-Dah!!! <The Porchers look around. They look and look and look with anticipation of finding something incredible set before them. However the porch looks exactly the same. The same size. The same shape. The same color. The same furniture. Even the same loose floor board that surprises polvo everytime he steps on it.> "Everything is the same!" says Dealer. Ahhh, not so, my good friend. <Clappy steps to the side and reveals two new objects mounted to the wall.> The object on the left is the your brand new, state of the art, Lonworks control consol! Next to it is the new Qualcomm Payphone! Voltaire walks over to Clapton and says, "You spent all this time and effort just to install these two new items?!?!" Please Mr. Voltaire. Have a seat and let me demonstrate. <Clappy looks a little nervous as he is about to show everyone what he has done. The croud looks a little annoyed and skeptical as they take their usual seats.> <Clappy in his best Ron Bopeel sales voice.> What you see here before you is the future! With this state of the art piece of equipment I have transformed the porch in to a complete futuristic magical super porch! Let's say for instance, three people are hanging out on the porch, when all of a sudden a Greyhound buss full of Coonaz' relatives and friends come over. What would you do? Open Voltaire's house up to everyone? I say NOT! Instead, you press this button and presto! <Suddenly the porch begins to shake a little as the sound of pumps pumping and hydrolics hydrolicking can be heard. The porch slowly begins growing. As the porch begins to extend out from the house, everyone begins to look with nervous excitement.> BUT THAT's NOT ALL! Let's say it's a Friday night after a great week of profits! Everyone is in a party mood, but it happens to be "Tatoo Night" over at the local gin mill. What do you do? <Clappy presses button #2 and #3 on the ELON Lonworks consol. All of a sudden is the far right corner of the porch, to the amazement of everyone, a full complete Wet Bar pops up from under the large sliding panel.> <Polvo begins raiding Voltaire's liquor cabinet to stock the shelves of the ornate polished mahogany masterpiece, complete with bar stools.> <Suddenly there is another sound of floor panels moving. A giant Wurlitzer jukebox pops out of the floor.> Voltaire, This was sent to you compliments of Real Networks. This is their way of saying thanks for the investments. Inscribed in the top brass plate says "Real Jukebox". <Clappy presses button #4. What looks like a typical mirror ball lowers from the porch ceiling. Why, it's a Cree LED super bright blue, green, and red disco ball! It's for the times the lovely ladies feel like getting down to Boogie!> <Polvo feels his side burns growing with the thoughts of wearing his super wide collar disco shirts and bellbottoms...> And when your done, you simply press the return key and the porch returns to it's comforting, relaxed, original style! <Clapton hands Voltaire the new remote control. Volty presses a few buttons and experiments with it for a while...> In the mean time, I'll be tending bar. Let me know what you want! <Clappy taps a few kegs, takes a couple of iced pitchers out of the freezer, and prepares for the thirsty crowd.> -- Thank you all, once again! I look forward to becoming friends with each of you! Now that I figured out the PM doesn't mean Polvo's Medicine, I'll be sending you some...

To: Clappy who wrote (5090)	2/25/2000 8:06:00 PM
From: Voltaire	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 35685

Porchers, be not afraid, the Clapster comes in sheep's clothing, not for ill purposes but with obvious humility. There is no need for your humility my son for all here are of equal ilk. I have journeyed to the land of Yahoo on my many travels through the Silicon Valley and in no other land have I been so warmly treated. Upon my returns I would tell of the Jewels of Wisdom I had been privy to, but to no avail. Much to my dismay, the yonder valley of Yahoo has always been viewed by many in my land as a lesser venue. Ah, but not to the Yahoo ordained Volts, on my many self imposed exiles, there was but one and only one land that Volts could turn to and know he would be breaking bread with friends. Even on my departures after hearing the clarion calls of what to them was the hated Silicon Valley, was there even a remote sign of deserved acrimony, no never, they would simply provide Volts with needed psychological provisions and wish him well. You don't forget people of this nature, nor their beloved valley, for we are all of the same soil. When asked by one of the more elite Silicon inhabitants, as to why I would visit such a lesser state, I simply replied, they are where I came from. Clapster, it is with humility on my part that I welcome you to our humble Porch, for like your land was to me, so may the Porch be in turn. For it was the Porch, that on our Exodus from the thread of Diamond that gave us the things you so seek. I have but one humble request and that would be that upon your return to your great valley, you tell your brothers and sisters that the man known to them as simply Volts, would love to see more of his Yahoo Valley friends on what turned out to be a beacon for many, our beloved porch. Welcome my son, Voltaire