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Pastimes : BARDonics (comical interpretation and perspective) -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: P.S.N. who wrote (716)3/15/2000 11:32:00 PM
From: Debra&Jeff  Respond to of 733
 
An ambitious yuppie finally decided to take a vacation. He booked
himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his
life. UNTIL the boat sank. The man found himself swept up on the shore
of an island with no other people, no supplies.....Nothing. Only
bananas and coconuts.

After about 4 months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most
gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks
her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" "I rowed from
the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise
ship sank?

"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up
with you."

"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material
I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I
wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a
Eucalyptus tree."

"But---but, that's impossible," stutters the man. "You had no tools or
hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the South side of the
island is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I
fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable
ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the
hardware." The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing,
she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he
nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an
exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up
the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare
ahead,dumbstruck.

As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I
call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?" "No,
no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut
juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How
about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man
accepts and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have
exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into
something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave?
There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." No longer
questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the
cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a
hollow ground edge are fastened on to it end inside of a swivel
mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?" When he
returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines--strategically
positioned--and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to
sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've
been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's
something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something
you've been longing for all these months? You know........."


She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing: "You
mean---?", he swallows excitedly, "---I can check my e-mail from
here............?"

Jeff