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Non-Tech : The Critical Investing Workshop -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Clappy who wrote (7477)	3/14/2000 7:18:00 PM
From: lindelgs	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 35685

<anyone have any jokes>--- CORPORATE LESSONS > >Lesson Number One > >A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit noticed >the crow, and asked, "Can I sit like you and do nothing all day long?" > >The crow answered, "Sure, why not." > >So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. > >All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. > >Moral Of The Story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting >very, very high up. > > >Lesson Number Two > >A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the >top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." > >"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. >"They're packed with nutrients." > >The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him >enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after >eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a >fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. > >Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the >turkey out of the tree. > >Moral Of The Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you >there. > > >Lesson Number Three > >When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain >said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and >functions." > >The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him >to where he wants to go." > >The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn >all the money." > >Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the >asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up >and refused to work. > >Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet >twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. >Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the >motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just >sat and passed out the shit! > >Moral Of The Story: You don't need brains to be a Boss -- any asshole will >do. >

To: Clappy who wrote (7477)	3/14/2000 9:04:00 PM
From: Steve 667	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 35685

<anyone have any jokes> What I want people to say at my funeral! Tragically, three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the gates of heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter. "When you are in your casket and friends and family are morning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?", asks St. Peter. The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say...... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!" Steve 667 *Democracy: Four wolves and a lamb voting on lunch.