To: Ilaine who wrote (76467 ) 3/29/2000 6:00:00 PM From: nihil Read Replies (3) | Respond to of 108807
Confused about sexuality --- I don't think that there is anything "wrong" about physical contact between cat and man, or dog and woman, or child and mother, old man and girl, etc. etc. etc. But to deny that these sensual contacts are sexual is to fly in the face of the clear evidence. The nerve endings in the epidermis are sensitive and aroused by touch. There is no line at all between scratching a dog's back and scratching his genitalia. IMO it is sincere sexual love when a bitch wiggles around when being scratched to expose her genitalia to the scratcher. When dogs hump their mistress or master it is distinctly sexual. They know it. You know it. And it embarasses people if not the animals. Society has defined the limits of permissable contact between unmarried people, and the eligibility for marriage of people. If you think about it, there is today no objective reason to deny sexual contact between people who want to engage in sexual contact. Many people are disgusted by the idea that a child would like to engage in sexual acts with adults, but the facts seem to be that many sexual criminals have had sex with hundreds of children and have never been reported. In many instances, such as teachers, the students are so strongly attached to their abusers that they refuse to turn them in. We are forced to define "child-adult" sex as per se abusive because the child by definition is not old enough to choose. The idea that children might actually enjoy sex disgusts most people, but Freud recognized that facts coulld be different. I am not brave enough to publicly support children's engaging in open sex with adults. I do support children's right to engage in sex with each other (after thorough education in what sex means and how it must be managed. I think, for instance, that children needs to understand a lot more about masturbation, and never feel guilty about engaging in it. I think they should be urged to observee some privacy. They should be prepared for advances from other kids (and especially adults) and given some serious information about why such advances are dangerous and how to control or avoid them. This is terribly dangerous. Some children can be turned in icecubes of fear of sexual aggression. Others may look forward adventurously to initiate contacts. The sexual nature of a child is complex and hard to understand. When children have been accustomed to close cuddling, lip kissing, naked snuggling, belly bubbling I believe they are very likely to engage in similar contacts with their friends and siblings. I know of no serious studies of the effects of this kind of closeness on psychosexual development. I think this kind of rearing contributes to adult sexual activity. I think that lifelong monogamy is absurd. I think very few men could or would limit themselves to one woman. Women, I think, mostly tend to chill out of a relationship. Few stay active and ardent, and many are content to let their man live on a long string. I suppose we need a new kind of marriage contract -- with phrases like "forsaking most others..." "to love and to vanish" . I always liked in Flash Gordon, the wedding oath between Emperor Ming the Merciless and Dale --- but I don't think Dale liked it very much. I think all of the questions cannot be solved absolutely or uniformly for everyone. Some men want (insist) on dominating, and often find women to want to be dominated. Some women want to dominate, and sometimes find men who want to be dominated. Some men want younger women, or even children to dominate. Some young men like older women. Variety in sexual tastes has always been difficult to arrange. Perhaps -- with better understanding and tolerance, more people can come to first explore, and then settle into relationships which are considered quite unusual. I doubt if children will very soon be able to develop stable sexual relationships. Children are usually unsure about what they want and what they can handle. Most adults are unwilling to let children decide such important things by themselves. Unless parents and other adults involve themselves in detailed supervision of their children, many children will ne able to experiment with sexual and emotional relationships. Many will be hurt, some hurt very seriously. But this has always been true. After all, many adults are still confused and unsure of their relationships.