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To: one_less who wrote (76611)	3/31/2000 10:10:00 PM
From: CharleyMike	Respond to of 108807

I vote <, nurture a quiet toughness of character that carries no public display,>... I think suspicion or apology renders the subject hypocritical. Avoiding the appearance could be invitational .. . . nurturing yet not displaying lends itself to confidence and acceptance. . . ridicule invites subservience promotion is unseemly Most would likely go with the combination . .

To: one_less who wrote (76611)	4/1/2000 2:20:00 AM
From: Dayuhan	Respond to of 108807

Good points. I think a lot of the ambiguity here arises from ambiguous definitions of toughness. A man who swaggers about spitting out the side of his mouth, talking loudly and issuing brusque threats, will often be categorized as "tough", though when the poop hits the fan he may be no tougher than anybody else. We easily confuse the public display of characteristics often associated with toughness with the actual traits of toughness. I suspect that this occurs largely because in the course of our day to day lives we are so seldom presented with opportunities to prove toughness that we resort to a TV/movie caricature as a substitute. Those who know that they can be tough when and if toughness is required have no need of such artifices. The odd thing about the whole exercise to me is that by valuing toughness we place esteem on what has largely become a maladaptive trait. Whether in business, in politics, in international relations, or in individual relationships, the successful individual in today's world is likely to be a builder of consensus, a broker of win-win solutions and mutually acceptable deals, not a swaggering bully. It is important to be tough when toughness is required. Being tough when toughness is not required can create more problems than solutions.