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To: Richnorth who wrote (51143)	4/5/2000 8:43:00 AM
From: Richnorth	Respond to of 116790

OFF TOPIC NOTICE TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: !?!XYZ$#"!?! MANAGEMENT SUBJECT: RETIREMENT INSTRUCTIONS 1. As a result of a continuing recession, the company is forced to reduce the number of personnel. 2. Under the plan, older personnel will be asked to go into early retirement,thus permitting the retention of younger personnel who represent our future. Therefore a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed in effect immediately. This program will be known as RAPE (Retire Ageing Personnel Early). 3. Personnel who are RAPED will be given the opportunity to look for other jobs outside the company. Provided that they are being RAPED, they can request a review of their personnel record before actual retirement takes place. This phase of the operation is called SCREW (Survey of Capability of Retired Elderly Workers.) 4. All divisional personnel who have been RAPED or SCREWED may file an appeal up the chain of command. This phase is called SHAFT, (Study of Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, personnel may be RAPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate. 5. If an employee follows the above procedures, he or she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Excess Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment) unless he or she already has AIDS (Additional Income from Dependent or Spouse). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any person who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be RAPED or SCREWED by the company. 6. The company wishes to assure the younger personnel who will remain that the company will continue its policy to ensure that employees are will trained through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). The company takes pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any of our competitors. If any employee feels he or she does not receive enough SHIT on the job, he or she may see his or her immediate supervisor. All supervisors are trained to ensure that personnel receive all the SHIT they can handle. The preceding message should be taken seriously and shared with family members to ensure an ample amount of preparation in the system. The company thanks all employees in advance for their co-operation and participation in the new program. The abbreviation of all the program titles may sound rude and offensive. This is much regretted and the management apologises for any embarrassment it may cause.

To: Richnorth who wrote (51143)	4/5/2000 9:34:00 AM
From: LLCF	Respond to of 116790

<John Crudele's article> There are certainly HUGE ego's on wall street... the head or even managing director of any of the large houses would love to get on the horn to the others and talk about saving the world through some big purchases.... no doubt in my mind. Doesn't make me bullish if it's true, they have to get out. DAK