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Pastimes : ASK Vendit Off Topic Questions -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (12075)	5/3/2000 10:48:00 AM
From: Guardian	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 19374

entertainment for those hiding out: Crossing the river of life!! One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do it. The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs,and he was able to swim across the river in about three hours. Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof ! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about two hours. The third man saw how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned him into a woman. She asked directions and quickly walked across the bridge. HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY 1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 2) Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.) 4) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 5) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing. 6) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN." 7) Develop an unnatural fear of staplers. 8) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 9) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.' 10) Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think." 11) Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy." 12) Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way. 13) Don't use any punctuation 14) As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 15) Ask people what sex they are. 16) Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 17) Sing along at the opera. 18) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme. 19) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.) 20) Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing, for example: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom. 21) Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. 22) Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood. 23) Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies 24) Call the psychic hotline and just say, "Guess" 26) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!" "3rd time this week!!!" 27) When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!" 28) Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, its the voice in your head that does." 29) Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go" 30) Everytime you see a broom yell "Honey, your mother is here"