To: Danfan who wrote (35396 ) 5/8/2000 7:06:00 AM From: Doug R Respond to of 79243
Thanks Danfan, Looks like a boring week in Seattle. Here's some humor if you have some time to waste: Something To Offend Damn-Near Everyone. . What's the Cuban national anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" =================== Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar =================== What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment. =================== What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half mast? They're hiring. =================== Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? Because they're not going to work in the future, either. ==================== Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying, "Yo" ======================= What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm? A pimp. ================== Why do drivers education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it. ================== What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. ================== How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say f*ck? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! =================== What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit... =================== It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. =================== Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. =================== We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. =================== The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong. =================== It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them. =================== Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor. =================== You can't have everything, where would you put it? =================== Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population. =================== If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. =================== Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. =================== The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first. =================== Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day. =================== Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. =================== Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. =================== As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. =================== When you're swimming in the creek, and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray! =================== A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. =================== It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats. =================== The only cure for insomnia is to get more sleep. =================== Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. =================== When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. =================== Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.